Friday, August 30, 2002

A year ago today I landed in THIS beautiful city. And for about the 500th time, I can't belive it's been a whole year. I remember my first train ride across the harbour bridge and into the city. My first night in australia and where does ali take me? A pub. In the city. ha ha. Have to give her a hard time about that one. love ya mate. Well I feel like i've pretty much killed that horse a few times. Through dx and different convos. I just wanted to link a picture. =)

So I'm loving school. Besides the fact that my eng 102 professor is missing half of his brain, it's all good.
I'm especially stoked for my world religions class. Yesterday I was the only one in a class of 30 or so to raise their hand and say they believe in absolute truth. That was scary. I'm kind of glad that I am being forced to defend my faith and beliefs. Amazingly enough I dont feel like I've ever really had to stand up for my faith. I know i've never been persecuted because of it. I'm hoping this class will bring a bit of both. The professor in that class is super cool. He knows tons about all different religions, and wont tell us his prsonal belife and insists that we dont have to agree with eachother, but we do have to be civil, and tolerate eachother. Which pretty much gaurantees my thoughts are just as valid as the atheist next to me, but whatever. At least he doesnt think i'm an idiot. I'm just totally praying that GOd will lead me to the right people and open doors in that class. Cause I reckon people talk that class cause they are fully seeking. *sigh* yeah.
im hecka tired, and have all of a sudden have seemed to lose any mental capacity I had to write as of even 30 seconds ago. I think it's time for bed.

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

(just fyi, this whole post is going to be in an aussie accent. startiiiiiiiiinggggggggg.....NOW)
I'm really patheitic. In many ways actually. (no this is not an "I hate myself" post so get your cursah away from the guestbook link)
I first realized this patheticness today (not for the first time, just the first time TODAY) when my friend whom I havent really spoken to in about 5 days popped up on my msn at work. I was stoked even though we both only had a few minutes. However, after the short conversation, I realized I was TOTALLY in withdrawl! It's really weird how you can go through that with a person. As opposed to like a drug, or caffine or something. But like, I"ve totally talked to this person, literally, EVERYDAY this summah. And I spent 24 hours a day with ha for a week. So it's almost felt like cutting off my right ahm in a sense. And I didnt really realize it until I had kind of spoken to ha. It like whetted my appetite or something. I didnt know what I was missing until it was back. then gone. I'm not saying that I cant exsist without friendship. I reckon I could if I had to. But I think life would be pretty crap. And it's not like I've talked to her every day of my life, hardly. Havent even known ha half my life. And I'm pretty sure when I was in japan I went nearly a month without any real communication. I think it's just like the difference when you are talking to a person or with a person constantly and then.......nothing, you're just kind of wondering what happened. Like it was fully the same thing when I left sydney. Like I had pretty much spent the past 6 months with my "sistah", not physically always, but I think all up I spent about a month and a half with her? *counts* yeah that's about right, maybe I bit more? but we talked on the phone heaps and we were in the same time zone, and then bam I"m back in the states and once again we're on opposite sides of the world. withdrawl. Is it unhealthy to experience this with a person? Is that like a tell tale sign that you are way too dependant on anothah human? I dont think it is really.
what do you think? sign my guest book and tell me.

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

arg. i do not know how to talk to my brother any more. I hate it. I hate it I hate it.
Sometimes everything seems like a dream, like I'll wake up and things will be "normal" again. But I dont even know what normal is. I just want this nauseausness to leave already. I want to stop casting judgement and I want to have hope. And I want to be able to pray. Why cant I pray. Why can I only be mad, and blame other things and other people, and cry, and not do something that might actually change the situation. I want to sigh and I want to scream but I really dont have the energy to do either. Being a student is exhausting. Being a student that's working two jobs, and leading a youth ministry is even more exhausting.
I'm really stoked on my religions class. The professor has his head glued on, tho I'm afraid he comes from the 'whatever religion is right for YOU' strain. At least I wont have someone telling me i'm wrong cause I'm a christian hey. But yeah I"m just hoping for hard core opportunities in there. There are 10 people in my music theory class. We meet in a confrence room. I thought college was supposed to be big. This is the smallest class I've ever been in in my LIFE. it's fun though. I'm pretty sure our professor is gay. Not overtly gay, just nice dressing, well groomed, doctorate of music gay. He's hecka funny too. He apologized for how boring the class is. Today we drew a "grand staff" ooooooooooo. aaaaaaaaaaaaah. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I sat next to the nicest punk in that class tho. He gave me paper. And I shared my book with him, cause he hadnt got one yet. Never discriminate people with plugs and black hair. Actually there was a girl in my religions class with *sigh* and eyebrow ring. Honestly, it didnt suit her, but it still made me want mine back. I'm still leaning towards a small gauge or something. Or maybe I can live my piercing fantasies out through krys. hey krys? whadaya say? pierce it, pierce it pierce it. come on. cant you feel the freeeeeeeedom!
Is anyone else having a problem accessing diaryx. Cause it's being a massive pain in the *bleep* for me.
good night.

hm, sorry to krys for misquoting her song. If IIIIIIII would have written it, I would have used "fall" but since I didnt, and she did I guess she can use "go". Fair enough. It's like that one FIF song I always misquote. Cant think of it now, but krys always makes fun of me for misquoting it. if IIIIIIIIII would have written the FIF song I would have written it whatever way i misquote it. But again, I didnt. If anyone would lke to change lyrics to songs I actually do write, let me know. I probably wont, but I'll at least take it into consideration.
So as of today I have been to all 3 of my classes. I really like college. I have many insights and observations even for just 2 days, but I think those will wait since I'm at work. ha.

Monday, August 26, 2002

well my friends, it's been an abusive couple days. But God is good hey! And although I have recently moved to this lovely new site, my dearly beloved "List" shall live on. (notice i said MY dearly beloved list). If this list seems a bit angst filled, please just take it in stride.

1. The thing I hate the most this week: The Internet
2. Song I cant get out of my head this week: Clinging, by the lovely ms. Locey. "Lord what if I'm the next one to fall, the demons are knocking" wasnt there kind of a dc talk song along the same lines? It was on Jesus Freak? dang what was that. oooo "What if I stumble, what if i fall, what if I lose my step and I make fools of us all" Well krys' take on a familiar theme to all of us is much better.
3. The worldly possesion i am most addicted to this week: My guitar.
4. The best phone calls made in one day: two calls back to back to Sydney. One to Hillsong College, and one to ms. kearsley
5. The best phone call recieved in one day : "Hey mel, i'm alive". Not that I doubted...
6. Best sound in the WORLD: Aussie accents. Hands down. Bar none. No arguing. Thank you very much. I think the only thing I'd rather here is the voice of God himself. Although that could possibly be scarey. But in a good way I'm sure. Maybe I"d rather here those glorious trumpets calling me home. hm. tough call.
7. Weirdest place I've been this week: um, school (what the!)
8. The thing I cant stand about myself at the moment: How I am sooooooo judgemental
9. Favorite CD this week: Waterdeep Worship: You Are So Good To Me. If you dont have this cd you need it. And if you dont have either of the worship circle cd's you need those too.
10. Second favorite cd this week: The Rebirth of Kirk Franklin. If you are into gospel/hip hop/rb this cd rocks. or um, doesnt. I dunno. But even if you arent into that kidna music you should chiggity check it out.
11. Funniest thing Dave did today: Made villains out of every SINGLE one of his toys (ex: mr. flashlight-he blinds you to death, mr. waterbottle-he will drown you, mr. spinning blanket-he spins alot) then proceeded to let the villainous toys attack me, then BRAVELY come to the rescue. 30 times. In a row.
12. Favorite drug this week: aleve! yay aleve!
13. Prayer request of the week: just pray for some family issues hey. and dont forget our joany.

Well that pretty much concludes my current list.
I might go to bed.
Night

Friday, August 23, 2002

yay! I finally found some place that will let me store pictures and link them here for free! Um, sorry, it is a bit ghetto. So when you click on the link you will see a thumbnail. Click on that (you cant miss it cause there's a big blinking button that says "CLICK PICTURE" ha. but yeah it should be good. enjoy.
the long awaited picture

how do you get chills drving in an unairconditioned car, in arizona, in the summer? Listen to Kirk Franklin's new cd. Excuse me for sounding charismatic, but that cd is definintely annointed...speaking of cd's I got Leaving Eygpt's debut cd in my mail box today. Praise God is wasnt melted. That cd rox so hard core. Everyone should buy one. I'm sure if you sent an email to leaveegypt@yahoo.com someone could hook you up.

I've been thinking alot about moving to sydney lately. I know it's been spurred on by ((((((((((krys)))))))))) moving down to azusa tomorrow. I'm so stoked to get down there. I can't wait. And I can't believe how fast it's going. John asked me today about when I was leaving cause he's going to need to hire someone, and wants me to train them, and yadda, and believe it or not it's already time to start thinking about that. stuff.(tangent: a year ago next week I left for sydney for the first time. wow. THAT was life changing) But yeah, like as stoked as I am, I'm also sad and pretty much scared out of my mind. Like I think for krys, she can pretty much go home whenever she wants. Maybe not logically, but technically if, God forbid, there was an emergency or she just needed to get up there she could do it in a weekend. I wouldnt even make it from sydney to home in a weekend!!!!!!!! and definitely not round trip! that scares me. And makes me sad that I'm pretty much ditching my family. I'm really trying not to think of it like that, cause I know God is calling me back down there, but I can't help but think that in some capacity I'm just kinda ditching them. leaving all the house work for mom, or for matt to pick up the slack on. And for some reason i feel bad about that. I know I can't let house work hold me back from God's plans, but it just doesnt seem fair. I guess though, it would be the same if I just went away to college somewhere in the states. And I mean gosh,I cant live at home forever to help out. It also scares me cause once I get down there, it's gonna be like HELLO WORLD. I am gonna be on my OWN. Not even the ywam version of on my own, where someone pays your rent, cooks your meals, and makes sure your room is clean. I'm gonna be on my OWN. Which i'm stoked for, I know I can do it, but it's hecka scarey! Like I know if I get in a huge pinch financially my parents will most likely bail me out to some extent. But man there really isnt that fall back that if I can't find a job "I'll still have a roof over my head and food in my stomach" cause I WONT. I'll just be cold, and starving, and most likely wet in sydney. ha. I mean I know I have some great friends down there that probably wouldnt let me become homeless or something, but are you understanding this fact that I am going to be and ADULT in the WORLD on my OWN. That's HECKA scarey. On the other hand, isnt that what credit cards are for? ha. So with all of these polar opposites running through my head I was really need to get it out so I sat down with my guitar, and after about 10 minutes i realized I had already written a song like the song I was trying to write. But when I wrote it, it was from a completely different "place" so it took a while to make the connection that it is totally applicable to what I'm feeling now. So instead I rock n rolled and polished up an "old" (only by a couple weeks, ha) song. I think I"ve actually posted it somewhere already, but I'm gonna do it again, cause It's got like a completely different meaning now. So sorry if you've already had to read this.

I'm following you
Out on this limb
Will you catch me
Or will I hang myself
I dont know

Feels like I'm walking blind
Cant see the otherside
Or what it looks like
Will you be there
I dont know

This leap of faith
Turned out to be a sky dive
And you're the only thing
That's keeping me from dying

I wish I knew
What I was getting into
But how would that
Glorify you
I dont know

This leap of faith turned out to be a sky dive
And you're the only thing
That's keeping me from dying
I dont know
How this is gonna turn out
I'm following you
Lord lead me on

Thursday, August 22, 2002

this should be a picture of the person previously mentioned that could not previously been seen.
click here

There's no reason why that picture shouldnt have worked and that makes me very sad. but I have a guest book now, and that's happy. you ALL need to sign it. or else. Maybe someday I'll get that bloody picture to work and you can all see the great master designer.

Once again I must give mad props to this crazy kid, who despite the fact that she is leaving the only home she's ever known on saturday spent time creating this amazing template. Give her love my party people. Because of her great efforts, I have decided to dedicate a HUGE section of my blog today to this lovely picture of her. (actually I just can't crop it. arrrrrrrrrrrrg). If you would like to be the subject of my new html obsession just send me an email and your lovely face can be up here too. yay!

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

so i have a half hour until i get to leave work. a very looooooooooong half hour.

I was just at blogskins they have some very cool templates. I dunno if I can be bothered tho. Actually, I dont know if krys can be bothered. ha. I guess I could go look through all the code and see how she got my comments and stuff to work, but yeah like I said, dont know if I can be bothered. I might just have to have a simple template forever.

And now for the homework. muuuuaaaahahahaaaaa.
I bet you didnt know that reading this *cringe* blog was a committment to having to do homework. well it is. ha.
You have to go find a dictionary, and look up the definition for the word "member". Write down the definitions. Then go and read 1 Corinithians 12. If you recieve no new insight or revelation from this email me and I'll send you $5.
Now go! you have homework!

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

hm, i just realized that I dont really have the energy or desire or will to write about my crappy day. If you wanna know email me or something and I'll tell you. But really i'm warning you, it was not pretty. Instead I want to write some lyrics that have managed to carry me through the day. I heard this song EVERYWHERE i went today. It was a great reminder.

Those Words Are Not Enough
By: Relient K

Feelings, inside my head
I dont know, but I'm thinking about you
Understand, that it's so hard to tell you
Cause you already know
You already know

When it's twice as hard to realize
That I"m still trying twice as hard to satisfy
Myself on my own
And I'm still waiting for
Things to change

I lay my life before you
And I"m not getting up
Father how I adore you
Those words are not enough

Feelings, inside my head
I dont know, but I'm thinking about you
Understand, that it's so hard to tell you
Cause you already know
You already know

When it's twice as hard to realize
That I"m still trying twice as hard to satisfy
Myself on my own
And I'm still waiting for
Things to change

I lay my life before you
And I"m not getting up
Father how I adore you
Those words are not enough

Father, know I love you
And know I am wrong
Lord, please take my life
Make me your son
Make me your son

I lay my life before you
And I"m not getting up
Father how I adore you
Those words are not enough

Today could pretty much be summed up as one of the worst days of my life. Ok, maybe not quite, cause I have noticed that although it has been a horrible, terible, no good, very bad day that God has fully been in it, and maybe lik 3 years or so ago that definitely wouldnt have been the case. I woulda just thought everything sucked..anyway. Yeah bad day that I will have to write some more about later. But for now I just wanted to say...I skewed the vote. muuaahahahahaha

Monday, August 19, 2002

I am exhausted. This must be some what like how my parents feel everyday after working 8 hours. My life is gonna be hecka crazy the next 5 months. The up side to that, is that the months will fly and before I know it I'll be back on a 747 headed for paradise.
I started my second job today babysitting Dave. Every monday wednesday, and friday I'll hang out with him in the afternoon. Which is pretty much what I'm doing. Getting paid to hang out with the cutest, sweetest 4and1/2 year old I've ever met. Seriously this kid could be a model. soooooo cute. And fairly intelligent for his age. (He's very dissapointed that he can't read yet. Talk about pressure!) We did lots of cool stuff. He "beat" me at ping pong many times. We made a "race track" in his room. We colored and just ran around the house pretty much. I think the most amazing thing about the whole ordeal is that I've actually found a kid that likes me. No joke. Me and kids dont really mix very often. Sometimes it's hard for me to get to their level. I think Dave's level is a little higher than most kids though, or for some reason it's just easy for me to get just chill with a 4 year old. I dunno. But I'm stoked. I think it will definitely work out, and I'll be able to study there and stuff too. It will definitely be a great break from CSE. ha.
That's about it for me. I"m going to bed way too early. arrrrrrrrrr. Oh but first every one needs to go here
Leaving It Behind and tell krys to pierce herself up, and that scars are cool! yeeeeeeeeeah.

Saturday, August 17, 2002

If anyone tried to tell you that d'addario coated strings are a less expensive version of Elixers, call them a liar.
$13 later you have learned an important life lesson so that you will never have to make my mistake. They arent bad strings. Just not snotty. So if you randomly want to pay $13 for what seem to be like normal d'addario strings I would highly reccomend them.

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad props to my brilliant friend krys for helping me out with the comments and such on this template.
Just a warning tho, dont ask her for help if you're thinking of starting one of these. you will most likely get rejected.
Much much love to ya krys

Friday, August 16, 2002

So this is my new place. The new home for all my random thoughts and writings I foolishly decide to throw out for public consumption.
Why did I move? Well for one, the old place is really pretty obvious, it could possibly become incriminating one of these days, if it hasn't already. Second, I've been at the old place for a while now, and though it is cozy, this new home just had so many new features and advantages that the old place doesn't have. Most notably being able to post many random, floating thoughts in one day without them getting covered up by subsequent random floating thoughts. Third, I've just been feeling like it's time for a change, and since a friend showed me around this place a bit I thought I'd go ahead and make the switch. I don't actually know how happy she'll be about having me in the same neighborhood. I didn't tell her I was moving. Actually I didn't even tell myself I was moving, I just kind of spontaneously did it on this quiet friday evening. So I hope you dont mind having me around the neighborhood mate.
So thanks to you, who ever you are, for comming to my house warming party. I know the place is still a little bare, that will change with time. I might get a new coat of paint, or some carpet or something. But I think for now, I like the simplicity of it all. Who needs couches when you have bean bag chairs ya know. Well I think I'm going to call it a night. It's been a long day of hauling furnature, and I've still got heaps to learn about this new neighborhood.
Night