Tuesday, August 27, 2002

arg. i do not know how to talk to my brother any more. I hate it. I hate it I hate it.
Sometimes everything seems like a dream, like I'll wake up and things will be "normal" again. But I dont even know what normal is. I just want this nauseausness to leave already. I want to stop casting judgement and I want to have hope. And I want to be able to pray. Why cant I pray. Why can I only be mad, and blame other things and other people, and cry, and not do something that might actually change the situation. I want to sigh and I want to scream but I really dont have the energy to do either. Being a student is exhausting. Being a student that's working two jobs, and leading a youth ministry is even more exhausting.
I'm really stoked on my religions class. The professor has his head glued on, tho I'm afraid he comes from the 'whatever religion is right for YOU' strain. At least I wont have someone telling me i'm wrong cause I'm a christian hey. But yeah I"m just hoping for hard core opportunities in there. There are 10 people in my music theory class. We meet in a confrence room. I thought college was supposed to be big. This is the smallest class I've ever been in in my LIFE. it's fun though. I'm pretty sure our professor is gay. Not overtly gay, just nice dressing, well groomed, doctorate of music gay. He's hecka funny too. He apologized for how boring the class is. Today we drew a "grand staff" ooooooooooo. aaaaaaaaaaaaah. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I sat next to the nicest punk in that class tho. He gave me paper. And I shared my book with him, cause he hadnt got one yet. Never discriminate people with plugs and black hair. Actually there was a girl in my religions class with *sigh* and eyebrow ring. Honestly, it didnt suit her, but it still made me want mine back. I'm still leaning towards a small gauge or something. Or maybe I can live my piercing fantasies out through krys. hey krys? whadaya say? pierce it, pierce it pierce it. come on. cant you feel the freeeeeeeedom!
Is anyone else having a problem accessing diaryx. Cause it's being a massive pain in the *bleep* for me.
good night.