Friday, August 23, 2002

how do you get chills drving in an unairconditioned car, in arizona, in the summer? Listen to Kirk Franklin's new cd. Excuse me for sounding charismatic, but that cd is definintely annointed...speaking of cd's I got Leaving Eygpt's debut cd in my mail box today. Praise God is wasnt melted. That cd rox so hard core. Everyone should buy one. I'm sure if you sent an email to leaveegypt@yahoo.com someone could hook you up.

I've been thinking alot about moving to sydney lately. I know it's been spurred on by ((((((((((krys)))))))))) moving down to azusa tomorrow. I'm so stoked to get down there. I can't wait. And I can't believe how fast it's going. John asked me today about when I was leaving cause he's going to need to hire someone, and wants me to train them, and yadda, and believe it or not it's already time to start thinking about that. stuff.(tangent: a year ago next week I left for sydney for the first time. wow. THAT was life changing) But yeah, like as stoked as I am, I'm also sad and pretty much scared out of my mind. Like I think for krys, she can pretty much go home whenever she wants. Maybe not logically, but technically if, God forbid, there was an emergency or she just needed to get up there she could do it in a weekend. I wouldnt even make it from sydney to home in a weekend!!!!!!!! and definitely not round trip! that scares me. And makes me sad that I'm pretty much ditching my family. I'm really trying not to think of it like that, cause I know God is calling me back down there, but I can't help but think that in some capacity I'm just kinda ditching them. leaving all the house work for mom, or for matt to pick up the slack on. And for some reason i feel bad about that. I know I can't let house work hold me back from God's plans, but it just doesnt seem fair. I guess though, it would be the same if I just went away to college somewhere in the states. And I mean gosh,I cant live at home forever to help out. It also scares me cause once I get down there, it's gonna be like HELLO WORLD. I am gonna be on my OWN. Not even the ywam version of on my own, where someone pays your rent, cooks your meals, and makes sure your room is clean. I'm gonna be on my OWN. Which i'm stoked for, I know I can do it, but it's hecka scarey! Like I know if I get in a huge pinch financially my parents will most likely bail me out to some extent. But man there really isnt that fall back that if I can't find a job "I'll still have a roof over my head and food in my stomach" cause I WONT. I'll just be cold, and starving, and most likely wet in sydney. ha. I mean I know I have some great friends down there that probably wouldnt let me become homeless or something, but are you understanding this fact that I am going to be and ADULT in the WORLD on my OWN. That's HECKA scarey. On the other hand, isnt that what credit cards are for? ha. So with all of these polar opposites running through my head I was really need to get it out so I sat down with my guitar, and after about 10 minutes i realized I had already written a song like the song I was trying to write. But when I wrote it, it was from a completely different "place" so it took a while to make the connection that it is totally applicable to what I'm feeling now. So instead I rock n rolled and polished up an "old" (only by a couple weeks, ha) song. I think I"ve actually posted it somewhere already, but I'm gonna do it again, cause It's got like a completely different meaning now. So sorry if you've already had to read this.

I'm following you
Out on this limb
Will you catch me
Or will I hang myself
I dont know

Feels like I'm walking blind
Cant see the otherside
Or what it looks like
Will you be there
I dont know

This leap of faith
Turned out to be a sky dive
And you're the only thing
That's keeping me from dying

I wish I knew
What I was getting into
But how would that
Glorify you
I dont know

This leap of faith turned out to be a sky dive
And you're the only thing
That's keeping me from dying
I dont know
How this is gonna turn out
I'm following you
Lord lead me on