Monday, September 30, 2002

just a P.S. to that last post. that's not really where I'm at personally right now. I've been there believe me, but I just thought that was an amazing line out of that song, and was compelled to share it with the wooooooooooooooorld!!!!!!!! muuuaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaa.

"And I wish I could get closer to Jesus
But not enough to get me out of bed"

-Sara Groves- "Past the Wishing"

Sunday, September 29, 2002

i had the most amazing weight lifted off me tonight. God is just so rad. always always always.
Ive just been in this funk lately. This valley, but not a canyon, and it was frustrating. I wasnt feeling complancey. i wasnt feeling like I had been living in sin...i just WAS. And God totally just revealed it to me tonight and just gave me a huge release of freedom which is a tad bit ironic.
I realized that I totally havent been feeling free to do what God's called me to do. Like I dunno it's almost hard to explain without someone actually "feeling" it. but just like, with all the opposition i've faced from my parents i just feel like I've been walking in a pool of bricks ya know. like every step towards sydney, and every step towards the vision God's given me has been laced with burden. and tho it might not always be a cakewalk, like yeah there will be opposition, I shouldnt be feeling this constant burden! I am free! Like I am just walking towards what God has laid out for me, and I am free to pursue that! As harsh as it may sound, I'm not my parents child, I am His child, free to pursue Him and His plans. It's amazing really. You know that feeling, where God just reveals the most simple yet profound thing...and you're like why didnt I think of that. then you realize you arent God. yeah. it's a good feeling. Praise GOd.

Saturday, September 28, 2002

For some reason this just cracks me up. y'all should go here and check out what's happening on October 20th. I think it would kinda be the equivilent of the President comming to my church. Is it just me, or is that funny to anyone else??

Thursday, September 26, 2002

have you noticed my extreme ammount of blogging lately. well I sure have. I think it's mostly due to the fact that i dont really have that much to do at work. So i think and think,then need to purge myself of all my thinking.
I had my first religions exam today. It went well. Extremely well. I finished in like a half hour. Not cause I was rushing, but because i KNEW the stuff. that's such a good feeling. I wish i would have had more motivation in high school. this is so not turning into a regrets essay. no regrets. hm. anyway, so yeah that went well. My prof put a question on there that was like meant to mess with your head! sooo frustrating I asked him about it and he kinda laughed and winked at me. He has a sick sense of humor like that. "Lets REALLY screw them up..muuaaahahahah"
Sunday I'm going to a church of scientology with Barbara and my friend Liene from church. I asked liene to come so I wouldnt be the only "real" christian. and she's into doing stuff like that. visiting mosques, etc. I'm pretty stoked. the lady I talked to on the phone said their services are only half an hour. what can you possibly learn in a half hour??? i guess i'll find out. I hope they dont make you dance around naked or anything like that.
I'm obsessed with downloading songs. there are SO many good songs out there. crikey. I can't believe it. If you want to know some good songs to acquire just ask me. However, I will highly recommend Jack Johnson and Ryan Long right now. cause I can. they arent songs, obviously, but yeah you should get some of their songs. aight i'm back to doing nothing.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

I'M GOING TO GO SEE KRYS IN 16 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you Jesus. my parents can be cool when they feel like it. so yeah i'm taking a road trip with some friends from church that are going to cali that weekend anyway and I"m tagging along! yessssssssss. and all i have to pay for is gas. and i'm taking all my food so i dont have to buy any. i swear. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...
I GOT TO TALK TO ALI TWICE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
once online and then she called me! yay for ali. i love a good chat to an aussie. man you guys should pray for her. it's a very stressfull week. I wish I was there, i'd take her to starbucks and tell her not to stress, and I'd drink good wine and dance at the wedding, but mostly I wish I coudl just go give her a BIG hug. damn pacific ocean. annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd...
I ACTUALLY STUDIED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have turned a new studious leaf. I find religions very interesting. if I wasnt going into ministry I think I'd become a religion professor at some christian uni and train missionaries. how fun would that be!

i was about to write a mean and nasty post about people never leaving me comments, but then I actually checked my comments... so yeah thanks. but i need attention people. leave me comments. sign my guestbook. yes this is a shameless plug. but I want to konw what you think...about what I think. you know that whole iron sharpening iron thing.
peace out hommies

So I was thinking today (shocker I know) but I think I came to the conclusion that the Apostle Paul was the original poser. Don't ask me how I start thinking about these kind of random things, they just pop up in my brain ok. Kinda like pop up videos. *pop* i've swallowed more mucus today than water. see where do these things come from? i dont know. ok back to Paul the Poser. So Paul said alot of things that make me think he was a poser. I dont have actual references cause I suck at scripture memorization, and I'm at work without a Bible, but I'm sure you will all be familiar with these verses. So the first incriminating verse, Paul said like in Romans or some where that he was made free to do all things in Christ, all things arent permissable, blah..then something about "but I will make myself a slave to everyone, so that by any possible means I might win some to the cause of Christ" something to that effect. The important bit is that he would trade in his freedom and become a slave to EVERYONE so that some may be saved. sounds like a poser to me. Ok so the next incriminating one is pretty obvious. I think it might be in Romans too. probably not. but I'm just gonna say that, and if you wanna prove me wrong you can go look it up. crack a Bible people. Ok so Paul says "To the Jew I'll become a Jew, to the Greek a Greek, and to the Gentile a Gentile". So I think I have provided sufficient evidence that Paul was the original poser, proving that being a poser is NOT a bad thing! yay! In conclusion, I would like to provide the MELT (Melanie English Living Translation) version of the above scripture. "For the punk I wear a studded belt, for the Surfer I wear flip flops, for the professional I wear Gap capri's with a black shirt, for the gangsta I blast the bass, for my parents I take out my peircings, so that I can hang out with everyone and be Christ to as many people as possible".

Sunday, September 22, 2002

God's teaching my so much. I just wish my head wasnt plugged up with phlegm. Then some of it might actually get through.
yeah i'm still sick. This is like the worst sickness. It'sjust getting worse, but doing so verrrrrrrrry slowly. SO you cant actually tell you are getting worse until you are just worse. and like some things are actually better. Like I could kinda sing leading worship today. with my handy dandy water bottle at my side. but my body was seriously rebelling during the sermon today..it was saying "it's ok, it's church. They HAVE to forgive you if you fall asleep" I dont remember driving home. But some how I ended up safe and sound in my bed for a couple good hours. I"m actually heading back there shortly. yay.
I would also like to mention how I just feel so priviledged to be working with the most amazing youth pastor. I mean seriously praise God this guy is 10 years older than me and more "european" than australian. But yeah it's just so rad to be able to be under him right now. Like he is such a man of action. Which I totally love. Like our last youth pastor was great, but not so much an action kinda guy. Example, the sound system in the youth room has needed rewiring for probably a year and a half now. Maybe two. Whenever it was that they first moved in there. ha. and friday nate spent like two hours in there with another guy just tearing the thing apart and putting it together properly. now our monitors actually work! it just sounded so great this morning. The other rad thing is that nate just has such a mad heart for worship and is totally just lead by the spirit in that. This morning he totally cut us off when we still had one more song..and I was actually thinking it would be so great to end right here, and I open my eyes and nates like in my face grabbing the mic saying "lets end it here". it's very cool. I'm stoked about the next four months and the stuff I'm gonna learn, as well as the stuff I"m going to be able to impart to the kids I work with. I love those kids. I never htought I'd say that about jr highers. night.

Friday, September 20, 2002

ok so yeah continuing from yesterday...It was just really cool talking to her. We are gonna go to a Buddhist temple together for our Religions assignment. She doesnt really have any religious background. Which is cool. It's better than her being mormon or something like that. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. I'm just stoked to get to talk to her more. I told her that i'd been to a buddhist temple in Japan and she was like so amazed, so I got to tell her why I was there and in aussie and stuff, which was cool. just opening up those doors ya know. And besides all that, it was just cool to have some human interaction at school. I dont really know that many people there..yet. Oh and the guy that I thought had gone on his mission to Japan actually went to Taiwan. So that convo pretty much fell on it's face. but yeah. Go Asia! So yeah if you think about me, pray for Barbara that she'd get to know Jesus! And that I'd be able to be obedient to the Holy Spirit when I'm hanging with her. well...back to my non work.

Thursday, September 19, 2002

today was so rock n roll. started off kinda bad. kinda a roll over from last night. but that's ok. that's life. life's life. deep I know. I'm just in this "roll with the punches" mood. I get so worked up. people get so worked up. It's just life. This is NOT what it's about. Heaven is gonna be good man. can't wait. Hm yes, but today was rocking because I finally got up the guts to talk to this girl that i've been sitting next to in religions for the past 4 weeks or so. Actually I dont think I got the guts, I think it was like I opened my mouth and God talked. seriously. I dont even remember what I said. or how I got tot he point of saying it. but yeah we talked heaps....and my dad wants the phone. I shall finish with all the fun details of my new friendship with Barbara.

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

i'm tired. i'm sick. i'm worn down. and i feel like my soul is either dormant or starving beyond belief. I dont want to complain cause everytime i want to complain...well as pathetic as this is...I think of joan, not in a "boy i'm glad that's not ME" way, just in a "wow that could just as easily be me" way and then I stop complaining.
I just wish God would reveal the things he's shown to me to my parents. I know this isn't supposed to be easy. I dont want it to be easy. What am i saying? of course I want it to be easy. Doesnt everyone want acceptance? especially from their parents. well i'm off to Dave's someone who always accepts me. Except when i dont want to play dinosaurs.

Monday, September 16, 2002

note to self: do not name first born "Sukhwinder". (an actual name for one of our trainees! poor guy)

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

so yep, today is september 11, 2002. In case you didnt know. In case you're living in a cave right now. A cave with internet connections. Today would have been a really great day, if it didnt have the whole 9/11 "cloud" hanging over it.
Forgive me if I seem unsympatheic. I'm not. REally. I watched my share of ceremonies this morning. And I even cried a bit. I mean, just to think of all the moms and dads and other assorted family memebers that were lost sucks. To think that it was all done in the name of "God" sucks even more. I just feel so emotionally detatched from it all. I wasnt here. I didnt experience the 4 day air travel stoppage, and I didnt fear for going outside my house. I was in Australia, and honestly I can't think of a country I would rather have been in that day as far as safety is concerned. I mean yeah indo is up north, but really, not a huuuuuuuge threat. It effected me, of course. My country was attacked. But like so many people feel, it didnt change my life. My life kept going. I went to lectures that day. I had work duties, and even though I'm sure DTS would have been way different if the attacks never had happened, I wouldnt really know it. Maybe I'm cold and heartless. Or maybe I'm desenatized be the REDICULOUS media coverage (it's so easy to blame things on the media).

Honestly, what today will really be remembered as for me, is the day I paid my Hillsong College fees. Yep, that's right. All $4,830AUD gone. And fully refundable, for my parents sake. I was shaking. But it was really very uneventful. I called, asked for Sara, she took my card info, and that was that. Less than 5 minutes. It's amazing how long it takes you to earn money and how fast it goes out the window. Trust me, I dont consider this money, out the window, not in the least, but my next bank statement is going to be less than exciting. Hm, still havent told the parents. Mom was hecka emotional today so I figured it may not be the best timing. Tomorrow. indeed.
Today will also be remembered as the day that I spent all 4 hours at work downloading songs and creating possibly the best winamp playlist ever to be created. If not the "best" defintly the most diverse. Ask me if I have them, and I"ll say yes. ready? Go. "jars of clay?". yes. "Jimmy Eat World?" yes. "Nicole C. Mullen?" yes. "Kylie Minogue?" yes. seriously, it's great. all day I"ve been thinking, "I can't wait to go to work". just so I can listen to my great music.
Alot of other great things happened today.
1) I watched Harry Potter with Dave. Great movie. A bit evil, can't really see how it's a kids movie. Felt bad for all the people I called "evil" for watching that movie. (sorry al)
2) Got to talk to one of my old YWAM leaders in australia. I called regarding visa stuff, which she didnt have the info I was looking for, but she did help. And it was cool just to catch up with some of the ongoings of ywam newy.
3) Got to clean up the kitchen with matt, which is always an adventure.
4) It didnt rain! for a better understanding of why this is good see kara's "noah" entry.

so yeah a good day, with a heavy shroud of darkness. But hey, tomorrow's september 12th so it will all be back to normal right? right.

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont know if I can process tomorrow.
I dont know how to process tomorrow.
I feel guilty for not relating.
I feel guilty for my lack of understanding.
I feel like I'm in some sort of 12 step process for "UnAmericanization": step 1 - leave the country. step 2 - miss the biggest event in your home countries history. step 3 - return to country and feel disconnected. step 4 - leave country again.
As much as I dont want to live here, I really do like america. And I really am thankful that I am an american.
I just dont really feel like one right now.

Friday, September 06, 2002

This week has been the week of like polar opposites. High highs and low lows. I think i've grown alot this week, just in very practical ways. Not in any like major spiritual shift, but I mean I guess it's all related in some way. My pride's definitely gotten a few needed bashings this week. I think it could take a few more.
I've really been missing my friends this week. You know the friends that live hundreds/thousands of miles away that I always miss. Yeha those friends. I guss I've just been especially emotional and "dependant" feeling this week, and I dont really have that many people around here that I feel I can go to just for comfort or when I need a hug. =(
On a much lighter and incredbly happy note, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to check out this AMAZING internet radion station. Go here live 365 and do a search for "Anointed Sounds" and click on that station. It's seriously just 24/7 awesome NEW modern/youth worship and stuff. They played stuff from the new Hills cd this arvo. Which is what hooked me, but they also played awesome stuff from vineyard, passion, ten shekle shirt, Jars of clay, thrid day, random really good people, so yeah i'm so serious, and krys can attest to this, but everyone really needs to go chiggity check this station. it rawks.
I'm tired. I want to go to sydney.

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

OOO I just saw that my comments are back up. leave me lots ok! and thanks krys. ( i assume) (um yeah since you could be the only one) ha

I really feel like writing but I dont really have the brain power to put together complete thoughts at this point. So........the list lives on.

1. Favorite scripture of the moment: Psalm 37. wow.
2. Most over rated tv show of the moment: American Idol. It's good, but really, can Survior start already?
3. Favorite cd of the moment: It's one that I actually do not own. THe new Hills cd. I have a few songs downloaded and I've heard them on Hillsong TV and I'm just praying that $15 comes outta the sky. Actually it might depending on how much I get paid for house sitting!
I actually havent been listening to that much music recently. I think I'm a bit burnt out or something.
4. Most frustrating thing about school: my eng 102 professor that has half a brain. arggg. but there are some cool people in there, so that kinda makes up for it.
5. Cutest thing ever: When I went to work today and Dave was smiling all huge and was like "come watch the grinch with me." it was cute!
6. Hardest struggle of the moment: trying to want to get along with my mom.
7. Scariest thought of the moment: Moving to australia and not having any money to fly home with!
8. Most peaceful thought of the moment: God has got every step planned. check out that previously mentioned psalm. it says so.
9. Song that makes me throw my hands in the air and wave them like I just dont care: "Hollah" by trin-i-tee 5:7 yay for melanie getting into way ghetto music. It's the best song tho. definitely needs bass. "Hollah/does anybody hafta cry/Holla/ do you really wanna testify?"
10. Favorite memory of a year ago: well I think possibly, a year ago today I was up in the Blue Mountains. that was a good time. *4 months*
11. Favorite website: This one where I'm teaching myself Japanese!
12. Favorite pastime of the moment: sleeping
13: Worst dbacks game of the week: losing to the DODGERS 19-1. Although it was somewhat worth it to see Mark Grace pitch. ha.

hm well i think I should wrap this up, I could prolly go on about random stuff for ages, but i'm sure you all have productive things to be doing! Go be Jesus to some one hey. It might be the only glimps they ever get.

Monday, September 02, 2002

It's been a sweet and sour weekend. Lots of good convos lots of bad convos. Lots of cool prayer. There is no bad prayer. Actually that's debatable, but not here. Lots of laughs lots of tears. Lots of learning and lots of sharing. Kind of a ying yang weekend. Uh oh. i think that relgions class is getting to me. not. But you know what. Even in the crap God is Great! Amen and amen. I'm tired and I have to go back to school tomorrow. It wasn't just a fun little one time deal. hm.
night