Thursday, October 31, 2002

I thought I was going to get out of this without a vent, but it's obviously not going to happen. All this thinking it giving me a headache. Sometimes I wish I could drain my head, like hook a sipher up to my ear and let all the thoughts and worries run out. hm, that's kinda gross.
I just think it's interesting that now I've got these plans to go back to "straya" and study at a BIBLE college instead of some 4 year uni that my family would rather me not study at, that they think we are all tight and close and that I should for some reason listen to their opinion now. I love my family. Don't get me wrong. and considering that my parents, and all my aunts and uncles and grandparents are older than me, and have been 19 before I am listening to them, I'm sure that they have wisdom and stuff. ARG! I just don't get it! But this argument they keep giving me that I shouldn't go do what God's called me to do and stay here so I can be close to them just isn't holding up. I guess if you were to look at the state of families today we are fairly tight, we all get a long - for the most part - on the surface - but we definitely don't share our deepest secrets with eachother and I probably see them only once or twice a month. I dunno, I''m not expressing this well. And that's frustrating me even more.
1) I don't care if they don't agree with what I'm doing, that's fine, but you don't have to rub salt into wounds ok. Do you think I like the fact that I'm going to the otherside of the world with out my families support, emotional or otherwise.
2) When you say, "I don't like the college you've chosen, you should go to this college in Australia that I know nothing about but I heard it's good", and you don't know anything about the FIRST college, that means nothing to me. Not to mention that "good" is a somewhat relative term when it comes to choosing a uni. MIT is a good school, but it would definitely not be good for me.
3) In my early years, I mastered the skill of manipulation. I don't really like that so much today as I've grown in Christ, but the fact still stands that you can not decieve or manipulate a former manipulator. I know the tricks, the phrases, and the looks. So stop. It's annoying. And you're not that good at it.
4) Instead of arguing with me, why don't you pray for me. And don't pray some selfish crap like "God i 'love' my niece, please don't let her go to Australia". Pray that I'll know God's will, and be able to follow Him, and hey maybe through that, you'll see it too!

I'm done. But you know what, I'm getting to that "I can't wait to leave" point. And it's not in the most positive sense. I should change that too. I don't like being a negative person.
sigh...I feel a bit better.
Today is a great day. Good times with Barbara during and after religions. I'll write about that later. I should do some work.
Pray that God will reign tonight. I hate halloween.