Friday, December 27, 2002

dude, i totally forgot to say that I got Tim Tam's in the mail yesterday!!!! woo hoo!
yep that's right baby, all the way from aussie. the double choc coat too. mmmmmmmmmm so good. Thanks ali. Can't WAIT to see ya mate. Oh man liene and I did tim tam slams. sooooooo good. it's a spiritual experience. really it is.
Also, i'm leaving town today baby. Just for the weekend. The fam's heading up north. It'll either be really good or really bad but in a good way. I'm counting on the first good.
peace out hommies.

so that was Christmas. It was so good to be home this year. Who knows when I'll be back for Christmas with the fam.
God's been teaching me alot through this season. A lot about His faithfulness. How quickly I forget! My parents, in their love for me, have got me all worried about finances and how I'm going to survive in Sydney. Their comments have planted seeds in my mind that the enemy has had a hay day with, allowing them to fester and grow into hopeless situations that no one will be able to rescue me from. I'll have to leave college, rack up huge ammounts of debt buying a plane ticket home, and then face the "I told you so's" of my family. Lies! All lies!! Why do I listen to them? And allow them space in my mind. Space that should be focused back on Jesus. Back on the rediculousness of this season as Krys put it. And most of all back on His faithfulness. Through divine inspiration, I've started reading through Matthew. As mundane as the first chapter of that book seems to us who were raised in the church, it serves as SUCH a testimony of God's faithfulness. And maybe it's the girl in me, but I love the part where little unborn John the Baptist leaps for joy in Elizabeth's womb when Mary shows up pregnant. Ok back to my point. Jesus goes into the desert and Satan starts tempting him and speaking incredibly bold lies to the Son of God. And Jesus, being God and all, just shuts him straight down! With OT scripture nontheless. I want to remember that when Satan starts whispering to me again. And I know he will. I know I'm not like the Bible memory wiz or anything, but I have hidden some of God's treasures in my heart and I know that I can use them to stop the lies from penetrating my mind and my soul. I'm anxious to leave. I'm excited to be on this journey by my self with my God leading the way. I know this is His path. It's obvious! And I know my God is good. He know's my needs. I mean outside of his omniscience, I let Him know, just incase he's busy with the whole threat of nuclear war thing. I know He's not busy. I know He's right here with me. Beside me. And I know He's never left my side. Or your side. It's cool how that works hey. Speaking of work, I should do some of that. ha.
ooooooooo but wait I almost forgot.
I got an electric guitar. It's niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. So nice I dont really know what to do with it. But I'm definitely having fun. It's a burgandy red Ibanez that my dad bought used from Guitar Center. Whoever had it before knew what was up with electric guitars cause it's been pretty nicely modified. It's got upgraded pickups and a mute toggle, and a whammy, and locking neck tuning thingys. I should have written that paper on electrics. I really know nothing. But I DO know how to rock n roll! woo hoo!
ok peace I'm out. love to you all. God's love.

Sunday, December 22, 2002

I would like to preface this with saying that I"m pmsing right now, so everything that is emotional is even more rediculously so.
With 24 days left until my departure, I'm defintely getting cold feet. I feel completely 50% torn about going, and I've never before really feared leaving. Not that I'm afraid...I just don't want to. I'm very comfortable here. I'm comfortable with what I'm doing, and have been doing. I'm comfortable with my friends, my church, my routine of life. I quite like living here right now. I'm afraid for my family. Not that I hold them together, hardly, I'm just afraid that they are currently and in the future, facing some rough times and it doesn't seem fair that I get to just kind of miss out on those for paradise. And I'll try my best to carry the burden in prayer and stuff while I'm away, but it won't be the same. And it still doesn't seem fair. If anyone out there has some wisdom on growing up and that whole process of separating your self from your parents and becomming your own person, I could really use some.
On the other hand I'm completely excited to go. When I think about what God has done to get me to this point, I KNOW he must have big things waiting for me. And I can't wait to get started on that journey with him. I can't wait to be on my own and with God again. Imagine not feeling guilty for having an hour long quiet time while your mom is cleaning the house like a mad woman, and when you finally emerge she's got a list of things for you to do and an additude that makes it hard to retain the peace and calm you were just in. I can't wait to live openly again, with out the fear of critizism for not living up to someone's standards.That will be nice. Being in sydney will be amazing. I'll admit the longevity of it all is a bit scarey, but again look what God has done to get me to this point. And I know He's going to continue carrying me, and providing. Providing physically, and emotionally, and spiritually.
A big part of the Sacred Romance that really stuck out to me this time through was the importance of Rememberance on our journey with God. We SOOOOO often forget what He has done, not only in our lives, but through out HISTORY. (I know I can barely remember what i did yesterday don't even ask me about last year). But we have to remember, to remember. It is a foundation for our hope and future. If we don't take time to look back then we have no basis for God's character, we wouldn't know who He is or how He acts, we wouldn't know what He's brought us out of, and if we don't remember those before us we wouldn't have a hope in something good waiting for us. I have to remember what He's done, and I can't lose hope for the plans He has and I can never lose sight of heaven, because if I do I'll never be able to trust His plans and follow Him.

Thursday, December 19, 2002

You might not believe this. I barely believed it while it was happening. My dad said he was proud of me for going back to Australia. For working so hard to put everything together and following my convictions and beliefs. I know. I'm like crying just thinking about it. BUt he said it. And I believe he meant it. He said he wished he would've done more of what I'm doing now when he was young, but he was in such a hurry to get "started on life". Plus I think he had an ultimatum from my mom to either love her or leave her. ha. I guess that would change things up a bit. And that was just a tiny part of a really good, deep conversation we had. It's amazing what happens when dad and I are alone together. We always end up talking. It's like we can't do it when everyone else is around, but once they are gone it's like freedom. I'm so gonna miss my family. I know sometimes I can't wait to leave them again, but really, It's gonna be hard. AH! stop thinking.
ok
on a much lighter note. Once again on Survivor the wrong person won. I swear this show just shows the truth of our society. The host asked like 5 different people if they lied through out they game, and they all started their answer with something like "well I wouldn't call it lying..." yeah. right.it's horrible. The funniest part is that on the very first episode of this season I said Bryan is going to win cause he's a used car salesman, and they can decieve anyone. I was right. Shoulda been in Vegas dang it.
well I'm off to bed.
Praise God hey. Cause no matter what sito you're in He is always worthy of it.

ok I just had to do that to make sure blogger wasn't being a poohead. I have lost 3 long entries in the last week. yes that's right. It's not that I haven't been trying to update, it just hasn't let me. I'd push post and it'd dissapear and all sorts of crazy things. So now it's been so long I dont' really want to talk about everything that has happened in the last 2 weeks.
Encounter happened. It was good. it was different. I think it's one of those things where more is going to happen after the fact than while it was actually happening. Some stuff was frustrating. Some stuff was refreshing. I dunno. As you can tell I dont really want to talk about it. Today was my last final. Major praise to God for that. I had to play my song for my theory class. Actually it was a tape of me playing. They were all really stoked on it. It was kinda weird, but good to get feed back from people that don't "have" to say nice things. The best stuff was from the prof, cause he's young and cool, and stuff, but has his doctorate in music, and his goal in life is to get rich on a one hit wonder kinda song, and he said it could easily be recorded. I was like wow.ok. so yeah that was all very cool.
Last night was the season finale of Amazing Race. Always a sad day. We had an amazing race party at ambers house cause we're all addicted to it. Flo and Zach won. Zach is probably the most amazing guy ever and flo is just a major B**** so we hope zach gets more of the money cause he deserves it for putting up with her for so long.
I think I'm a selfish Christian. Like I'm not really doing anything with my christianity except benefitting myself. Like I'm not feeding the hungry, I'm not clothing the naked, I get scared when I have opportunties to inject Christ into conversations with non-believers. I dunno maybe i'm over analyzing a bit. Maybe I'm one of those who is meant to disciple other christians or something. I dunno. I just feel like I want to do more. Like I need to do more to get the amazing truth of Jesus out there. Like what good is it if I keep it to myself. I guess thinking about it my passion is to really love on non-churched and unloved kids in casual settings and stuff, and I really don't have any outlet to do that right now.
I finished the Sacred Romance finally. I want to start reading it again. ha. There's this one paragraph tho that ive read tons of times. I think I might type it. hang on.
"When the going gets rough, we're going nowhere without desire. And the going will get rough. The world, the minions of darkness, and your own double-mindedness are all set against you. Just try coming alive, try living from your heart for the Sacred Romance and watch how the world responds. They will hate you for it and will do everything intheir power to get you to fall back into the comfort of the way things were. Your passion will disrupt them, because it sides with their own heart which they've tried so hard to put away. If they can't convince you to live from the safer places they have chosen, they will try intimidation. If that fails, they'll try to kill you - if not literally, then at the level of your soul." p.198 The Sacred Romance
that sums up alot of what I'm feeling right now.
Aight I'm out for a bit...got some work to do. ha.

test

Friday, December 06, 2002

sooooooo..yesterday was pretty much the best mail day of my life. God's timing is not only perfect, but quite funny.
Dad brought in the mail and said there's a package here from the Austrailian Consulate and Travel Team. That's right, not only did I get my visa yesterday (YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I got my tickets too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm seriously a bit overwhelmed by it all. And can I just add that God is so incredibly faithful. Like I know it's so easy to say right now, and I know that I have doubted...but man when God tells you He's gonna do something..He doesn't lie. AND (yes it gets better) not only does God come through as promised, but He comes through with unexpected abundance! Not even joking. My visa is good until Jan 15 2005. (exactly 2 years from the day I leave here) which was unexpected, AND I found out that Air Canada is part of the Star Alliance which is what Singapore Air is a part of which I have a bunch of miles from, from flying to Japan. Racking up the frequent fliers baby! I'm tell you it's totally more than I ever asked or imagined. It's so humbling to know that not only has God made happen what I couldn't, but He's made MORE things happen that I couldn't have even thought to have asked for. He's a good God I tell ya!
So, I am not doubting that God is going to provide for my in Sydney (job, money, time, sleep, etc.) I'm humbly expecting it, cause I know that He has told me He will provide and I'm pretty sure it's in James where it says "He who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed about by the wind. He is a double minded man and should not expect ANYTHING from God". wow. that's my translation btw. God be glorified through it all.

Subject change.

Someone in Nashville needs to be shot in the foot for RUINING a perfectly good Jen Knapp song. You know the song "sing mary sing". well apparently the crap christian radio stations wanted to pawn it off as a "christmas song" (yes I know it's about mary and baby Jesus and all that...but does that HAVE to make it a christmas song? can we only sing about the amazing birth of Christ in December?) So in order to make it sound "christmasy" they added the most horrible sounding synthisized bell riff in the chorus. It sounds so out of place it's not even funny. Like it seriously sounds like somebody took a $50 keyboard from toys 'r' us and said "well this sound is christmasy". It was a great song to begin with! Good job my friend, whoever you are, you have officially become a sell out. I hope your money makes you happy, cause listening to that song you ruined sure isn't going to.

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

I saw Joan tonight. Long dark hair. Jeans and a sweatshirt. Sitting in the bar of a mexican restaurant. It had to be her. Why didn't you tell me you were in town mate? Man it's so weird to think that I've never met a person that has impacted me so much and sown so much into my life. I love you Joan. You're in my prayers, and I know that if I don't see you on this earth that I'll see you in eternity...and we'll both look a heck of a lot better then. We might as well just wait. ha.

Ok so if this isn't a cool God story then i don't know what is. So Rose talked to me last night after encounter band practice. She told me that the night before she had been talking to one of her friends from Teen Mania that had just gotten married. She had never met or talked to this girls husband so he jumped on MSN as well and they chatted a bit. She said it was so weird cause she had never met this guy and didn't know him from Joe on the street but he almost immediately just began speaking things into her life. And after awhile he asked, "What's on December 13th?". She said she scrolled up through the conversation to see if she had mentioned Encounter and she hadn't...she hadn't even told her friend about it. She said she kinda lead him on and said "Why?". And he said, "Because God just told me He's going to do something big on that day". She proceeded to tell him about Encounter and he was like yep that's it, God's got huge plans.
Praise the Lord! Man that was just such a huge encouragement to me. To know that in the midst of all the planning we are still following God down this road and that all of this work isn't in vain or self-interest. I'm so stoked.

I'm addicted to TLC.
More specifcally I'm addicted to A Personal Story, A Makeover Story, A Dating Story, A Wedding Story...basically all the stories and Trading Spaces and While you were out.
It's a good thing we don't have cable at home. I've just become really good at mooching off other people. Although is it really mooching if you are babysitting at the same time?

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

I'm good.
Life's busy.
My plane ticket is purchased.
God is faithful.
Pray for Encounter. and my cold. and ali. and joan. and krys. and leah...that crazy world traveler. while you're already on your knees pray for kara, and my parents, and tara and Encounter..whoops I'm repeating myself.
There shall be more cohesive thoughts in the future. Not near future. just future