Wednesday, April 23, 2003

I thought it was about that time...I don't have alot tosay and I really don't actually have the time to be doing this but I feel like it so here I am. This week has been such a killer, and it's only been 3 days long. HA! But yeah praise God for friday's off hey!
So yeah Easter was good. I dunno, it didn't seem that weird to be away from home. I guess to me easter is more of a personal holiday than like a family/social holiday. Even though every other year I"ve celebrated it with them. Yeah I dunno.
I'm in this really weird time where I haven't really drifted away from God, but I have totally drifted away from being in the Word and like meditating on it, and it's just fully effecting my life. Like I've totally been prioritizing sleep and school over spending time in the word. It's weird cause like I honestly talk to God all through out my day. Especially when I'm just in a quiet place in my room, or wherever really, walking to school, like I just walk around and chat with him, and it's been more frequent, and more intimate, and everything than ever and that is awesome, but I don't know I can just sense that void where his written word to me is lacking. I totally am going to be spending a chunk of time over the next two weeks (exam week and holidays) just reading and meditating and yeah getting back into that habit. Cause I mean yeah life is busy, it's always going to be busy and you have to make that time you know. Like i'm disciplined in my time management in so many other areas I really need to kick this one in the bum again. Ok I need to go there are so many people needing computers for assignments it's rediculous.
One more thing...leah comes home today! or =( if you're in TX or if you're leah I guess. ha, i dunno I need to catch up with that girl.
Oh one more thing...my mom got a job! In like a 3 year old amazing highschool in Mesquite. I'm stoked. Ok so I seriously called her the other day, and it was like easter morning there before she went to church and I said "Hi mom, happy Easter" and she just started bawling. I was like crap. Yeah that's a whole other subject I'm sorting through...family...cause I miss them like hell, but I know I'm called here, and blah blah blah...I'm going. love you all. *hugs*

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Lots has happened. My family is officially moving to Texas. Weird as. My dad will probably go in June and mom and matt will follow in July. I'm really stoked for them, but it's weird thinking that i won't go back to "my" house. Pray for them. It's gonna be really hard esp. for mom.
God has been confusing me. Ok I know that's not true as God is truth and truth does not equal confusion, but yeah just about stuff about calling and that. THe last year I've just felt so hard core that I am called to Sydney like long term. You thought I was just comming here to college, but really I was comming to Sydney and college was the open door. =) But lately I've just felt so passionately about going home and really just getting planted at TBC and just going back wanting to serve there at any level, i dunno I've had this vision (not a literal one) of voluteering and maybe interning or something under the worship pastor there and I dunno just being committed to seeing change and breakthrough there. And it's so hard being so passionate about two COMPLETELY opposite things! If I could be in two places at once I would! So yeah God has fully just confronted me with taking things one day at a time, being committed to the season He has called me to now and if that changes I will know it. Like I've totally experienced this before, but GOd always makes an open door where He is leading you. SO you know if in 2 years there is no door for me to stay here then I guess I'll go home, but if there is no door to go home then I'll stay. Or whatever. I'm not worrying about it because all I have to do today is finish my assignments and invite people at work to come to easter this weekend! yeah that's right I started working this week. Go Boston Market. NOT. Seriously the first night I was there I was like, I've got to find an office job, but then I remembered I have psycho hours and probably wouldn't be able to work office hours. I'm so so so so so so so thankful for the job and the provision though. Seriously it's awesome. But yeah praise GOD it's just a season. ha.
Hm, what else was I going to say? Oh yeah, ha. I don't feel like getting into this too much cause I'll get all worked up and wordy and people will tell me to shut up and then I won't have any energy left for my essays I should be writting, BUT I am so DAMN sick of homophobic Christians. And I'm sick of living with them!
Ha...as if you can say something like that and just leave it, but I'm going to. Sorry.
Love you all.
peace out

Monday, April 07, 2003

Ok this is going to be a bit of a rant. I’ve really been arguing with God about this cause for some reason I really don’t want to say this cause it’s hard and I might offend some people, or a lot of people. And I hate that. But I just can’t not say it. It’s like Jeremiah when he says the word of God is burning like fire in his bones and he just can’t contain it. Ok maybe not quite like that , but yeah I just feel this compulsion. And I really don’t want to rant cause when I get going I get all worked up and I can’t stop and I’m in a really good mood right now and I have a feeling that this might change that. I dunno. Ok and one more preface to this…by no means do I mean any offence towards Leaving Egypt, or their songwriters, cause yeah I love them.

Last night I tried to go to bed early. Really insanely early (9:30) cause I had to get up insanely early this morning, but you know how you can’t fall asleep before a certain time. Yeah, so I was lying in bed and I was like I should put on some music…what is music that I can always fall asleep to…Leaving Egypt! And seriously that in itself is a massive compliment. Like the only 2 cd’s that can help me sleep are that one and the Caedmon’s Call worship cd. And yeah eventually it did make me sleep…I don’t remember past song 4, but when the first song started playing I was awake and listening to it and I got really really annoyed and then I was thinking about it in the shower today and I got annoyed again. Ok so the chorus goes “ I will do anything for you my Lord something something something…cause I’ll do anything” ( I don’t know why I just forgot the other words but that’s the main bit that got me started) I’m lying there thinking..that is a bunch of crap. Ha. I started thinking about all the songs that say “I’ll do anything, I’ll go anywhere, to the end of the earth, I’ll follow you Jesus, I only want to be with you” blah blah blah. And they are always nice pretty upbeat songs..a la Audio Adrenaline “I wanna be your hands, be your feet, go where you send me….” I’m lying there thinking, if the people that sing these songs (not like the people that write them, but the little jr. high Christian concert girls) actually know how freaking HARD it is to follow God, they might not be singing that song. Like man, I don’t think I have even touched the tip of the ice berg speaking of like trials and struggles and stuff, but the past 2 months have been the HARDEST 2 months of my life. Pretty much ever! I have loved every single minute of them, but it’s so hard! I don’t know how else to say it. It’s not a feeling you get at a show or during really “anointed” worship, or at some amazing conference, following God is such a commitment, a completely conscious descsion of your mind, will, emotions, soul, spirit to pursue God and to never ever quit until the day He takes you home. It’s not some lofty ministry position. It’s hard. But I can tell you in my little experience that it’s completely worth it. Oh my gosh! It’s so worth it. The past 2 months I have seen more provision, more blessing, I have been filled with more gifts, more faith, I have worshipped God harder than ever, I have been in His presence more, I have seen more radical change in people’s lives around me… the list goes on! But can I just say one more time, it’s been so HARD!
The thing about following God, about committing your life to serving him, is that you can’t quit, you can’t give up when you’re tired, there is NO retirement, it doesn’t stop…because there are BILLIONS of people that are going to hell. As if we could give up on our job!
I don’t know why I’m saying this and I feel like I’ve completely lost my train of thought and I have to go to a Finale seminar in like…NOW…but I guess I don’t know maybe if there is anyone that is reading this that has said or thought “yeah I want to go in ministry” or even just thinking they want to serve God, or have even recently become a Christian (because when we are in Christ, we are all ministers, all missionaries, all priests) I’m just encouraging you count the cost before you jump in head first. I’m not saying not do it. Because seriously I can’t think of any better life. I mean even if you are in business, or career, or a profession, whatever like we are still meant to be salt and light you know..but again, just count the cost! What are you willing to give. What are you willing to sacrifice. I miss my family like hell and I have no idea when I’m going to see them again. What are YOU going to sacrifice. It’s worth it, I promise you. As if my promise means anything. JESUS promises you.

I gotta run. Love you all, and those of you that I know I miss you too!

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

So much to say so little time. it's been a crazy week. Some of which I wish I could share but I can't. Suffice it to say God is funny, and scary sometimes. Not scary "AH!" but scary "Are you kidding me God??".
Yes well, my family was in TX this past weekend. And seriously all glory to God, it went SO good. Like details that they could have never thought of came together. My brother hit it off so well with the guys at the church. My mom had an interview at the school dist. that went really really well...like that have postponed hiring someone within the district for the position until my mom meets with the principle and goes through all the red tape, etc. Yeah kinda a long story, but the outcome it amazing. The church will be voting this sunday on whether or not to ask my dad to come on staff..and it's basically just a formality cause everyone likes him and I dunno from what I've heard the worship services he's been able to lead have been awesome, and has stretched the congregation in the way the senior pastor is wanting, etc. So yeah they'll probably be moving out there over the summer...the American summer...the real summer. =) God is definitely at work in all that jazz.
What else...yeah ok this is the coolest thing ever. So you know how in march we recorded the new album? Well there is a huge process to actually getting it to a quality where it can be sold and stuff (obviously...no one really wants to hear crying babies in the background...and how flat Darlene was singing...did I say that? KIDDING! she's seriously amazing) So yeah for the past while we have been overdubbing and fixing up alot of the stuff, including the choir, and last night I got asked to join in on the overdubs. Alot of the stuff they are doing in actual studios, but they are able to do the choir at the church cause the technology is all here and stuff, so yeah it was sick as. Well it was good, and bad, but yeah we got to wear the little headphones, and got to sing along to the raw mix of the cd and stuff. So if you buy the cd you might actually hear me. Well you will hear me, but you know, you won't. But yeah we went from 7pm to 12:30am I'm basically a zombie today. Hence the incredibly unorganized thought process in this blog. Ok...so Darlene is the exec. producer right? That lady is like the sweetest dictator ever. Ha. Seriously, I've never seen somebody get frustrated or mad in such a graceful way. It was inspiring. ha. And it was totally this horrible cycle of us being tired so we would sing under pitch, then having to retake a million times because we were flat, and then having to stop and psych ourselves up, blah blah. And we HAD to finish it last night cause mixdown is monday and there was no other time blah blah blah, be seriously I reckon it would've gone so much better if we quit early last night and got there early this morning and finished. Anyway, so yeah that was heaps cool, and I'm really trying not to complain about the tiredness cause really it was a privelege. I have no idea how I got chosen, but yeah I'm stoked I did. Cause seriously there are no 1st years in there it's all like BV's and worship leaders and like long time choir members, and some second and third years, so yeah I don't know, but yay. so yeah I'm going to my guitar class now. that's about all the excitement for my week...so far. You never know what could happen tomorrow!
peace out.