Friday, May 30, 2003

Well the girls are here.
It's weeeeeeeeeird, but cool. We're all really really tired. They didn't sleep on the plane and I got about 4 hours. RIght now we're all killing time at an internet cafe waiting for our bus back to Castle Hill. I'm in the smelliest little internet cafe full of little jr. high boys planing horribly violent lan computer games, and who only have four words in their vocab..all consisting of four letters. This key board sticks like glue and some of the letters won't caplitalize> and everytime you want a period it only makes a> ghetto. hey that's a period. ha.
Um yes so I'm really excited for our week> They all seem pretty cruisy which is a huge relief. I know my God is the provider so I'm not stressed about finances.
I just want it to be a really good week. I want to bless them, and I want them to get a glimps of the blessing of God i experience every day here> I don't know if their up for it> I don't know where they're all at with God. All at different places, but I so desire to at least see their eyes opened.
I could say more but I'm gonna end this cause I think I've nearly been on here a half hour and I don't want to get cut off before I get to post.
Much love>

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated. I crave intellectual understanding regarding my circumstances and I have none. I mean I guess I do understand some stuff. I know I count my life as loss for following Christ and I mean it doesn't bother me that I can indulge on...anything basically...ok so something I really wish I could go buy the new relient k cd that is downstairs in the bookstore taunting me, but then when I come to my senses I realize in the light of eternity, what does it really matter. really. So when it comes to things that effect me personally I'm fine. I can live without stuff. And actually it's very good to live without stuff...although hard when everyone around you is basically able to go get starbucks whenever they bloody well feel like it, but again what is really good coffee in the light of eternity. But what I hate is when I can't fullfill the responsibilities I've committed to. Like rent. Cause not only is it putting my residence in jeopardy but it's probably effecting other people in other places down the line. And I really really hate that. I'm not worried about being kicked out, cause I know God is my provider, and I also know he's the God of the 11th Hour (thank you JOC) and thankfully the people I pay rent to are gracious christians...BUT I still hate being in this place. Not geographically, but I hate this valley, I know it's neccessary, I know that I have to go through trials, and I guess if this is the worst it gets than I have still gotten off pretty easy. (Lord, let me learn the lessons fast) But I'm so ready for it to be over. I'm so ready to give up, to go back to my security. But at the same time I wouldn't give this up for anything. I'm full of contradictions I know, but that's totally how my spirit feels right now. So wanting everything that God has for me and willing to go through these fires, but so waiting to be on the other side of them.
So, in conclusion, what do I do? Do I sit around being really frustrated crying my eyes out screaming, "How long??" or do I get up, know I have the victory, know that I am like loved beyond belief, that I am a prized daughter of the King, that he freaking died for me so why wouldn't He give me every other good gift. I know my God is good, and I praise Him...I CHOOSE to praise when my feelings and emotions tell me otherwise. When the enemy tries to tell me other wise, I rest in the Truth of God's word.

You are my light and salvation
In whom shall I fear
You are the strength of all my days
In whom shall I be afraid

Though war may rise against me
Of this will I be sure

That I will bless the Lord forevah
I'll bless Your Holy name
I will bless the Lord forevah
I'll bless Your Holy name

Lord it is You I desire
Its You that I need
To live with You in your house forevah
Beholding Your beauty

And in the time of trouble
Of this will I be sure

That I will bless the Lord forevah
I'll bless Your Holy name
Yes I will bless the Lord forevah
I'll bless Your Holy name

Some unamed song on the new live cd. copyright Darlene.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Ok I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pumped!!! My girls are comming to see me!!! Well not all of them, I so wish ALL my girls could come visit this awesome church and awesome city. But yeah this is such a miracle of God hey. Like they are going traveling around a bit first and then comming to sydney so they were going to have to get a ticket from singapore to sydney round trip and they only had $600 each to get them. And they having been searching for months and the cheapest have all been like $800 and stuff but I so knew they were gonna get here and was just praying my guts out that God would intervene and like they would get here and that they would be blessed and stuff and randomly last week they found tickets on SINGAPORE which is like nice AS for only $330 perperson ROUND TRIP! How cool is God. Alllllllllll glory to Him. Honestly, man He just so cares about his kids and their hearts and their needs AND desires. Cause I mean I would have lived without them comming to visit but do you even know how pumped I am that they are going to make it. Thank you JESUS! Now can you just provide tickets for all my other girls, and my family while you're at it? Awesome thanks.
K well I'm off. Love you all. Trust in Jesus.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

oh I so forgot! on tuesday I got to hang out with leah! It was AWESOME. I forgot how cool she was. Ok not really, how could anyone forget THAT, but yeah like I haven't seen her since I was at ywam, so it was sick as. I got us lost driving around the city, but I don't consider that all my fault since she did follow my directions and I'm not even from Sydney. So what if I had the map, maps are confusing when you're driving in traffic. =)
love you mate...thanks for a great day.

So it's been a while hey. I guess it's usually a good thing when I don't feel the compulsion to write in here because it usually means that everything is going good and I have nothing to vent/process/complain about. But I guess it's bad for people that check up on me here, and a few of you have said that you do that on occasion. Blah blah blah.
This week we are on holiday. Oh blessed holiday! I haven't been doing much, but I haven't been bored. I went to the city church on sunday...I really REALLY want to move into the city, transfer campuses, find a better job. God will definitely have to put things in motion for that one cause I don't even really have the time to search it all out. Yeah actually it was really cool Robert Ferguson spoke..the most AMAZING preacher I have ever heard. seriously. I feel so priveleged to be able to be taught by him here. He's so much like me. Or I'm so much like him. We have similar personalities...whatever. But yeah it was one of those messages where you're just like does he know what I'm going through cause I'm pretty sure he wrote this up just for me. It was all about going through seasons of hunger. Not like good hungering after God, but like literal seasons of hunger or low finances or anything like that. Where you just don't know where your provision is going to come from, but you know it has to come from the hand of God. It was so good. I don't know I can't really explain the extent of it cause it was one of those supernatural things where God just changes something in your spirit that you didn't even know what there. Yeah I"m gonna stop cause I already sound like an idiot.
So yeah GOd has just been revealing cool things to me, and as I was telling one friend, if I was in this position a year ago, when I was living at home, I knew I'd have food (good food) from my parents, and that I'd have a house and they'd probably shout me some gas if I needed to get around I'd be freaking out! I would be striving and working so hard to get money whatever way I could, running my self into the ground and just constantly in a state of worry. But man, the peace of God just overflows in my life right now. I can't explain it but I just really really really for the first time probably trust him...mostly cause I have to...but I know that's why He's brought me here. It's a good place to be. Ok so going back to what I said I wasn't going to talk about any more... Robert mentioned on sunday night that if you don't go through these times, you will never develop into who God has called you to be, the dreams you have will pass away cause you don't know how to let God be your strength, and yeah. So if you haven't gone throuh one of "these" start praying for it. HA! But seriously I was thinking the other day how I would used to pray like God I just want to learn to be fully dependant on you, I want it to be true of me that when I am weak you are strong, and that I have the kind of faith that could move a mountain. So I'm not quite to the mountain bit yet but I know I'm heading down that road. Which is awesome. So if you find yourself praying anything similar to out. =)
Ok on a totally different subject, a guy that I live with...well that lives in the same like dorm complexy thingy that I do got the new Relient K cd in the mail yesterday from his girlfriend. And this guy (Josh) he's got curly hair so we're like brother and sister, he's cool...anyway when he got it he brought it over to me so I could borrow it! Cause he knew how much I'd been wanting to hear it! awwwwww. all the good ones are taken. Nah he's definitely not THAT kinda guy...a good surrogate brother though. SO yeah what a kick a** cd! oh my gosh! And what reminded me of that is that there is this song that talks about somthing like "I say I want to serve you with my life, but do I really know what I"m asking for" I don't knwo I only listened to it twice but yeah good stuff.
Ok so i'm off to work. I love how a 15 minute trip in the car to work takes me a good hour taking buses and crap. If anyone out there lives in australia and has a car they want to get rid of email me and I will so give you my phone number! ha.
love you all.