Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Pray for my dad. he's having open heart surgery on friday. Enough about that.

I was thinking today about the people who use the whole arguement against God saying that he's "Just a crutch". What's so bad about God being a crutch? I need a crutch. Life is hard. Life is damn hard. And I haven't even been through a fraction of a percentage of what some people have gone through in life. I think I would have killed myself by this point if I didn't have a crutch. I know some people who have grown up with God being a major part of their life and they've still either been successful or attempted killing themselves. Cause life is hard, and there's a war going on with a real enemy. So I say Praise the Lord, cause God has given me a crutch to lean on through his Son.
That is all.

Monday, October 20, 2003

there is so much going on in my brain that like if I don't get out I will freak out. But because there is so much I've been putting it off cause I don't REALLY have the time to be doing this, but more stuff just gets thrown into the mix and if I don't take the time to vent I will have a break down which will result in me waisting more time than if I would have initially just gotten it all out. (how's that for a sentence)
First I would like to start with the drive home from Port Macquarie and the amazing conversations I had with kate. This girl really needs to bust outta her shell and let God break the chains that are still hanging around her, cause she's awesome, and once again I can't believe that God has placed someone In MY life that is so incredible and is going to change the world. Anyway, alot of stuff she was saying really got me thinking, and I came to the conclusion that even though I'm here and basically living on a prayer (and lots of faith) that when I think about the future and dream about what it is God wants me to do, I still limit it by what my family would deem acceptable. Or "normal". Of course nothing fits into those catagories so then I'm left frustrated and feeling like there is a cap on my life. But yeah once again God is reminding me that He is bigger than and starting to release me to dream those dreams regardless of the opinion of man. One of those dreams has been the thought of going back to Japan. Ever since I left there I knew I would go back, I never thought (and still don't) it would be for an extended time, but recently it's really been on my heart. I've been considering the possibility of maybe spending a year there and teaching english, but I have no idea how that would fit into what I really know I'm called to be doing. I get jealous of people who have travelled and lived all over the world and experienced God in all different cultures and have been able to serve God in all different cultures. I get jealous of people who feel they are called to an itinerate ministry because more and more this year God has confirmed that I'm going to be planted for life in a local church because that's where his blessing comes from. That doesn't mean I will never leave that place, but whenever I do it will be because I have been commissioned by them and I will always return to them as my church. I remembered that today. I remembered that I wanted to flourish in the house of God and be a part of what Jesus came to build. But I have no idea how that fits in with me going back to Japan. So then I started praying, God please open up your opportunity for me to go there, instead of me trying to make my own.

My dad's in the hospital. I think he's getting out with in the next day or so. He started having some heart murmurs and stuff. He's gonna be ok, but what really bothers me is satan. And the fact that he's allowed to attack my family like this. he's been on their case for far too long and it's seriously got me pissed off. I keep praying for protection, keep praying for breakthrough, and I know God hears me. I don't doubt that. And I know he's stronger, bigger, and far superior to any lame ambush attempt the enemy might try, but I'm just tired of getting bad reports from them. And I also think it's really lame that so many people are being attacked with their health right now. Doesn't satan know that these bodies are only temporary. I mean yeah it's what God's given us to do his work, and I absolutely believe in divine health and healing but as if sickness in faith filled servants is going to stop the growth of the kingdom. but seriously it's so unneccesary and I'm just not putting up with it any more. I have got a word from God that I am not going home for a funeral. So I know my dad is going to be stronger than ever and that through this persecution there will grow enduracne and faith. And I know that liene is going to be healed while learning lessons that she will need to carry close to her heart for the rest of her life. And I know that God's protection IS over my family and friends because I'm not going home to bury anyone dammit.

I keep having conversations with people about getting married. I think it's just an age and season of life thing. Everyone wants to find the one. It also doesn't help that it's spring, and seriously EVERYONE is hooking up. But the more I talk to people and everyone's very spiritual response is "I'm so not ready to get married, God's got so much work to do", I reckon I am ready. Of course God's got more work to do, he's always got more work to do. But I was talking to a friend today, and she said how she was just starting to think about how she is preparing now to be married in the future. What kind of habits she wants to take with her, she wants to be able to cook and keep a house, she wants to get better at managing her time, etc. And I'm just thinking yeah I've been thinking about that for ages. And I think even subconsiously the last few months I have been changing some habits that are lame. I think the biggest one has been my diet and exercise. Which weren't actually terrible before, but I know that with the kind of future I want I'm going to have to eat and exercise to have heaps more energy than I do now. I don't want my kids to grow up eatting junk food, so those are habits I have to change in myself now. I've purposely been cooking "real" meals instead of going the typical college kid route because I know that my life is only going to get busier and I want to be able to still make real food for my family. It's been a personal goal for me this year to learn to live on 6 hours of sleep and function at a normal level of awareness and happieness cause I know that a husband and kids and a ministry don't generally accomodate for 8 hours sleep. Some stuff I have been doing purposefully, but some stuff I've just done for no apparent reason, but now when I put it in the context of preparing for marriage it makes a bit more sense. So yeah I'm getting there. I guess I can say that I'm so ready for it, but I will KNOW I'm ready when he actually walks into my life wearing a "I'm single, but looking" t-shirt.
Um so I think my brain is basically empty now and I'm in serious need of a nap so I can be a bit more awake to finish up some assignments.
I think I'm also sick of waisting my time on this thing when I could be on my knees fighting. We are in the middle of a war you know. It become more and more evident every day. The main thing to remember is that the battle might not be over yet, but the war was won 2000 years ago. Keep pressing on my friends.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

g'day from Port Macquarie, NSW. This is seriously a great little beach town and I would love to come here for an actual holiday sometime. I could see how it could be a very cool cruisy place. Not a city, but not the middle of no where. I'm up here doing the preschool kids program for the NSW AOG pastors conference. It's all gotten a bit much today. The program here is seriously not even close to as organized as it is at Hills, which has been a bit frustrating for us all who are used to a preschool program that even keeps the leaders attention span. And the lady who is in charge of running it is seriously on my last nerve. One of those people who just grates on you. Like she's really nice and stuff, but i don't think she's stopped talking since we arrived here monday afternoon. And for someone who claims to have been running kids ministry's and working in day cares for years it's pretty shocking how unorganized stuff is. anyway. and today kate has been weird and had stuff going on with her and her sister (i think) but she says she doesn't want to talk about it until tomorrow, so that's kind of stressing me out a bit. I mean stuff must be ok but she's seriously been like so not herself today. Some other stuff too which has just been hard to process. the roomate situation here is a bit odd as well, it's me, kate, and courtney who all drove up together and then another girl we didn't really know, but she goes to college, and then this like 60 year old lady (who seriously looks late 40's) that is going to another bible college that is up here serving this weekend. And she is just awkward. And yeah i guess it's all just gotten to be a bit much. blah, any way i'll finish this later cause someone wants to check his email and I should take a shower. see you tomorrow after I get home.

Friday, October 10, 2003

I'm not sure why but for some reason I am feeling compelled to copy in here what I wrote in my journal this morning. I know for me, the repitition will help it stick. So here goes nothing.

So in order to get my eyes off my self and on to Jesus I decided I should get to know him more. Genius I know. But get to know him specifically through his written word. I think I depend too much on hearing him speak to me. It's not a bad thing, but I know that if you don't have a healthy diet of the truth in scripture that it's easy for the enemy to sneak in and get you off course. So I'm back to the begining, back to the basics. Back to the book of Jon, to get to know Jesus by how he lived his life on earth. I also want to look at the different names of jesus and what those teach us about who he is. Before I really dig into it, a tangent. I find it quite humorous that in ch 1:20 the priests and levites ask John the Baptist if he is the Christ. You know the camel hair, dreadlocks au natural, bug guts in his teeth, honey mattup in his beard - John the Baptist. Whatever happened to the Jews expecting a roal king? Someone who would come with wealth and power and kick out the evil oppressive Roman rule. Why are they asking this guy if he's the Christ? I reckon the Jews knew whom they were to be expecting - it is all through out the OR. They were just hoping for something different.
Anyway, back to Jesus. The first name he's given by John is "the Word". He could have been in the WWF. According to my study Bible, the word used here in Greek reffered to the unspoken as well as the spoken word or - "The reason". That's pretty cool. So here John is calling Jesus "the reason" for the Greeks (known throughout history for their reasoning capabilities) and for the Jews the word traditionally reffered to God. John is kiling like a million birds with one stone here. With one really clever vocabulary choice he has included both Jews and Greeks, inviting them all in to hear the rest of what he has to say. For the Jews he has made a firm stance on his belief of the diety of Christ. All with one word. - Selah -
next John implies him as the Creator (v. 3, 10-11). Creation forgot their creator. Been there, done that. Walking out of that pit at this moment. I'm starting to remember him again. But not only did they forget, they rejected. They rejected the only thing that was sustaining their life, allowing them to reject. How's that for the grace of God. "So I made you, and now I'm here to live with you for a few years and you're rejecting me. But instead of removing the oxygen from around your head, I'm going to let you keep living and rejecting me hoping that one day you'll recieve me". man, that's about all I have time for right now. And I haven't even gotten to the bit about jesus being life and light. And that's like my favorite bit.. Even so, everything else I just wrote about is enough to keep you going for eternity.

A good friend of mine used to have a signature on her email or her blog or her message board posts, or some form of electronic communication that said:
"Put your faith in the facts and the feelings will follow".
That has been my mantra this week. I can't feel. But I know Who my faith is in, i know what He thinks of me, I know that He sings over me, and I know that He is praying for me and that soon enough the feelings will follow.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

I just really felt the need to balance out that last entry.
Today proved that I'm not weird, or unhealthily star struck by the "famous" people at hillsong.
I was working up the front today and Joel just casually walked in and it was just normal. It was really slow and I was the only person out there so I greeted him, took his order, made his food, took it out like he was a normal person...cause he is a normal person. So there.
And the album recording was off the hook. This is seriously going to be the best youth album ever.

Friday, October 03, 2003

Just when I get to the point where I think my life is normal here I'm reminded that it's ANYTHING but.
So I'm at work today doing my wonderful Bo-Ma thing, and I had been in wash up for a while and we had a little rush happening so the manager called me up front so I start taking food out and turn this corner in the dining room and almost drop everything because oh there's Marty and Joel just sitting there having lunch. riiight. I so don't get used to that. I don't get used to serving these people that I have known of and admired for years. Speaking of which I really need to go get in the shower because I smell and feel like greasy chicken and I have to leave in about an hour for the United album recording! woo hoo. it's gonna be off the hook.