Sunday, November 30, 2003

i just viewed my blog. I write a lot. Do you people actually read all that stuff?

hey party people.
well as of 5pm tonight our phone line will be out of service, so this is me pretty much signing off for an unknown ammount of time. Could be a couple days, could be a couple weeks. My mobile is still up and running so if you need me urgently that's where you can reach me.
So I'm out. thanks heaps for all your prayers and encouragement. Love ya's and see ya when I see ya.

I love life. I love the unexpected twists and turns that keep you young, and at the same time force you to mature in faith. I love waking up in the morning and being alive. Really being alive. Not just living. Not just going through motions like some programed automaton. I love being so different from the world, sometimes that fact alone reminds me that I'm alive. I forget that for most people the thought of waking up at 5 in the morning on a weekend to make a 7am call time for a church choir is quite unusual. I love living, and knowing that every second of my life has a purpose in the here and now but is also building my future. Life is even more amazing when I realize that I didn't do anything in my own strength to make it this great. It's a gift, a compeletly uneccesary blessing.
I lost my job this week. All Boston Market's outside the States were unexpectedly forced to close this past week. It's a long story that I don't really want to tell, but this whole thing has just taught me so many lessons. I've been personally reminded that I've been born into a world at war. Somehow I don't think the timing of this is a coincidence. People at work were just starting to come to church and open up to spiritual things; someone didn't like that. I've remembered how beautiful the gift of HOPE is. How would I live with out hope? I couldn't, why do you think the suicide rate is so high. People have lost hope. However, the only way you can have hope is to know the hope Giver. He's my Best Friend, my Lover, my Protector and Provider. I've been reminded of God's absolute sovereignty. he is in total control, all the time. Most of all I have been reminded Where my help comes from, Who my trust is in, and that this world will ALWAYS fail us.
There have been some unexpected set backs in the war this week, but some important victories have been won as well. The enemy took a cheap shot this week, thinking he could defeat me by knocking out my line of supply, you'd think he'd know by now that my Comander even watches out for the sparrows in this world. I was blessed and provided with an AMAZING bed this week. A $300 frame and mattress given to me as a pure blessing, no money involved. Sorry if this next statement doesn't set right with some people, but I'm honestly beliving for and expecting more financial breakthrough and miracles in the next couple months. They are comming, and I'm ready for war. I don't know why, and I haven't really prayed about it but I've had this feeling the past few days that my college fee's are going to be paid for miraculously this summer. I don't care what form that miracle comes in (work, jobs, cold hard cash, etc) but I just know in my spirit that there is going to be some miracle breakthroughs happening in that area.
Wow, I know this is sad but I'm actually falling asleep while blogging.
Maybe it has something to do with the 13 hours of sleep I've gotten in the past 3 nights combined. I dunno.
I'm out before the drool short circuits this computer.

Monday, November 24, 2003

What is this? Three new posts in one 24 hour period? You'd think I was working back at CSE again. But alas and alack I am not. And I definitely have things I could, and probably should be dong, but for some odd reason I just want to write. Maybe it's because I took a lot of crap from my boss tonight, and because she's my boss and I have this weird conviction that authority should be respected I just smiled and internalized all my smart ass comments. Maybe it's because today I was really unsure if I wanted to be here or back in texas with my family. And more than the obvious confusion is the question "why would I want to be somewhere else if this is where I know God's called me?" Could it be because I was born into a world at war? Could it be that war is the ultimate seperator? Sons go off to battle never to return. Young brides don't see their husband until their first child is walking. Teenagers leave their families to go to what might as well be the other side of the universe with nothing but a crazy dream that they hope might save a few lives in this bloody battle.
I'm not sure why I want to write. But right now I'm compelled to it. I've really been loving that word "compelled" recently. Whenever I hear the word I think of the first line of the mission statement of my former place of worship in AZ. "Compelled by the Holy Spirit..." or something like that. I never did fully embrace the challenge to memorize it. But just that line, "compelled by the Holy Spirit". I love it because it's like you can't help but do something. You aren't being forced, there's still room for free will, but you just HAVE to. My life needs to be more like that. I need to be pushed more often. Sometimes I am, sometimes He is undeniably present, and compelling me towards something. But usually I'm pretty good at rationalizing Him away. That's sad. I wonder if I've done that so many times that He's become quieter. Maybe that's why I'm not as certain and Spirit lead as others. Maybe I've temporarily quenched him. Maybe I've said "No" one too many times and now He's waiting for me to take the first step and say "Yes" to anything. He still talks. Boy does He still talk. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't talk so much. But there's a lot more talking than compelling.
Now I'm really not sure why I want to write.
Though I am sure I want to go to bed. Last week of college for the year. Can I get a witness?

Sunday, November 23, 2003

ok so I was thinking about it and for those of you who have read or are reading "Waking the Dead" by John Eldrege, found at your local book store, here is some personal proof that we have been born into a world at war. (As if you needed any. I think it's more for personal, cathartic purposes to be honest.)
In the past 4 weeks:
- I found out my dad had to have open heart surgery resulting with me being in America within a very bizzare 48 hour period.
- I accompanied a close friend to an MRI...her second because the doctors can't figure out what the hell is wrong
- My 2 year old cousin was in the hospital for 3 days with a 106 temperature. He refused to drink for some reason, and was so dehydrated that the doctors had to squeeze the blood out of his veins to do blood work.
- My emotional basketcase mother randomly sliced her knee open on the licence plate of her car. What the...
- My uncle, the father of the dehydrated cousin, lost his mom WHILE his son was in the hospital, due to a heart attack that had NO symptoms.
- My grandmother broke out in shingles due to the stress of it all.
- My dad was readmitted to the hospital for a weekend, while my brother came down with a mysterious 24 hour "bug", leaving my emotional basketcase mother to drop me off at the airport by herself.
- On the way back home to Sydney, I nearly missed both of my flights.

Add your personal stories if you wish. Though I'm sure if we all shared them all we'd probably completely overload the entire internet. We are IN a world at war. I've read the end of the book, and we win but we can't stop fighting. Souls are in the balance.

If you came here seeking out some substance regarding the life of one Aussie-American, I'm sorry you may be dissapointed.
I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you that you must run, not walk, not saunter, not even jog, but run to your nearest bookstore and buy the new book "Waking the Dead" by John Eldrege. If you don't have any money, borrow some or ask the manager at the store if you can have a copy for "charity". Tell him he can use it as a tax write off. If you must wait, ask for it for Christmas. Tell your family it's the only thing you want. If you end up getting ten copies of it, give the other 9 to people who don't have it.
Seriously people I can't express in words how much you need to read this book. I'm sure if you've read other Eldrege books, I won't have to work too hard to convince you, but if you haven't, well...then you haven't lived. And I don't think that's an over exaggeration by any means.
Basically, just quit your whining and go get this book.
"Waking the Dead" by John Eldrege.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Psalm 116 (NIV-emphasis mine)

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
"O Lord, save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

The Lord protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he
saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to

For you, O Lord, have delivered my
sould from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
I believed; therefore I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."
And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

How can I repay the Lord
for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people.

Precious in the sight of the Lord
is the death of his saints.
O Lord, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your
you have freed me from my

I will sacrifice a thank offering to
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the
Lord -
in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

I'm going home. In just a little over 24 hours I'll be making my journey back across America (where I have one last friend to meet up with) and then my journey back to beautiful, sunny Sydney. Praise the Lord. Honestly, these last couple days have been a lot of "persevering". Ok so yesterday was pretty good. Mom took the day off and we conquered about 3 malls in the Dallas area. Seriously, I've never been so spoiled. Now comes the challenge of getting it all back, including all of the thanksgiving food I"ve been commissioned to buy for our Thanksgiving dinner in oz.
My dad's back in the hospital. Nothing serious. Actually, none of us have gone to see him yet. How sad is that. He's been in and out of dr's offices all week because "something" was not right. I guess what they finally found out is that his heart is (was) racing and they just readmitted him so they could put him on some heavy drugs that would get his heart back to a regular rhythm and monitor him. Initially they said he's be in until monday, but he's been responding really well to the medicine and even last night after just a few hours his heart was down to a much more normal rate. So I'm praying he'll be out by today or tomorrow morning so that he can go to the airport with us.
That's all for now folks...see ya on the flip side.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

I have been informed that Barry Manilow wrote the song "Love Hurts". Probably right after he wrote "Lola".

5 days. Not that I'm counting. But I am. I'm ready for normalcy, ready for summer, ready to be back at my church. Or maybe I'm just ready to stop dealing with people, or maybe I'm ready to stop dealing with the emotions that accompany visiting people. Forget my dad, I'm going to need heart surgery when this is all over with. Whoever wrote that great 80's ballad "Love Hurts" sure knew what they were talking about. It hurts being so far away from all the people that love you and know you best. It hurts to be away from the place God's called me. It hurts to think that in the span of one year I will have spent less than 3 days with one of my best friends and less than 3 weeks with my family. It hurts that when I get back to Sydney I'll only have 2 weeks before some of the people that I have built amazing relationships with there leave. It hurts to see other people hurting when you leave so you put all the blame on yourself. "If only I could live a normal life. I could give it all up, come back and go to some nearby college. That would fix everything." It hurts that they don't understand you weren't made to be "normal", that life is too short for white picket fences, and eternity is too near to waste time outside of God's will...Love hurts. Life hurts. God never hurts. And the funny thing is that even though I know it's going to hurt I keep allowing it to happen, keep obeying, remain faithful, keep loving, and keep seeing God open the windows of heaven over my life.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

*memoirs from sky harbour airport continued*

In an instant all was made clear. I quickly grabbed the last copy and jumped back into a line that was much longer than when I originally was in it. Another successful trip to Berean. We then left and headed to the supposed location of liene's MRI only to be told that it had been sceduled at another location. NOthing like scheduling diffculties to give you peace about your upcomming tests. Liene had paper work to fill out and was mildly distracted so for the frist time in days I reverted back to my roll as chauffer. We arrived at the "real" clinic only to be greeted by a less than sympathetic and quite honestly bitchy receptionist who rold liene I would most likely not be allowed in the room with her during the test. (I could have told you that lady was probably over worked and full of bull. Even with this being my frist MRI experience I kenw it was fairly common practice to be allowed a friedn or loved one in the testing room) So there we sat. Me eatting up my very first Relevant hard copy with POD on the cover and Liene her Christian Women magainzeing with POG on the cover. That's Point of Grace. yeah, I wonder why we're friends sometmies too. Though I think it's safe to say in reality she would be more inclined to listen to POD than POG. We didn't have to wait too long before she was called...Of course I was alowed to go back with her - provided I wasn't pregnant or had any bodily implants. The testing didn't seem long at all to me - I barely got two articles read between all of my praying in tounges and attempts to seek interpretations for those groanings. (I can not even express the joy this gift is when you honestly don't know what to pray.) However, I"m sure the 20 minues seemed like an eternity for lIene who had something like a jackhammer going of inches from her face. When everything was done we got up, liene changed into her clothes, and we went shopping. As if a possibly life altering test hadn't just been taken. Distractions aren't always a bad thing. Once again with keys in hand I drove the car to a bargain shoppers Mecca - Chandler Fashion Center. Home to Nordstrom Rack, Ross, and TJ Maxx. we spend far too much time between Nord's and Ross, over indulging our easily amused flesh. I managed to do minimal damage purchasing only a much needed walled, Sinful (that's what it's called!) lip gloss and a $2 journal for Kate as promised. For lunch we cought up with the ab fab Tara Shalick, who, I found out for the first time, is an Eddie fan as well. we ate at Chipoltle as per liene's reccomendation - a Subwayesque burrito place. The food was fantastic though large and expensive (welcome to america). We sat around giving the "im a nut shell" version of our lives before we drifted to DQ for dessert and Bath and Body Works and Barnes and Noble for our post lunch work out. My paranoia quickly set in as I realized what time it was and how long i had before I neede dto be at the airport. Hind sight has never been more insightful than it's been today...after rushing like a mad woman to the airport and then seriously not wanting to let go of Liene I stood in the longest line of all eternity to be told I couldn't get on the flight that I needed to get on. Pish tosh. I fixed that lady up and she gave me my ticket. After running like a mad woman once again up the stairs towards the gates I waited in the second longest line of all eternity at security. I ran like a mad woman to my gate only to wait, and wait, and finally be told he flight was full. yay for flying stand by. The next flight left in just over an hour at 7:00. I promptly got on that flight and shortly after found out the flight was going to be delayed "a bit". Well I called liene and asked her to call my family and tell them just that, " a bit". Well when "a bit" turned into two hours and I had no way to get a hold of my family to let them know I became stressed because I knew they would be stressed. Blah blah blah long story short I made it into Dallas shortly after midnight and finally got home shortly after 1:00am. I think this day could go down in history as one of the longest most emotionally high, low, and draining days of my entire life. Man, it was good.

*memoirs from sky harbour airport*

sigh...I can't live without Jesus. I wouldn't want to live without him. I have to be on emotional over load right now but I"m not sure because I can't feel anything. I sit back and think about everything I"ve lived thorugh just today and the past 3 days and realize the miralce it is that I can still honestly say I love my life. I'm so not in a mood to chronologically recall my day as I so often do, but I know if I don't I"ll forget all the God moments and miracles and I don't want to forget this day. We started with breakfast at Denny's; that fine eatting establishment that has reached such a pinnacle in the food service industry that they now serve "warm syrup". Anyway, we mosied from there leavein behind our waitress with the "warm nose" and headed breifly to the much loved, albeit overpriced Berean...I headed to the trash can, aka the bargain bin, aka, the "what the hell is this cd doing here?" bin. As per usual I found a jewell; DJ Andy Hunter's Exodus cd. $6.99 and it was all mine. Liene got Hope. About damn time. I paid for my cd then saw the magazine rack. I was scanning for a new copy of CCM when I saw the light. A hard copy issue of Relevant...(to be continued)

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Hi ho kids. Well I'm going to be signing off for a few days. Not that I've really been keeping y'all up to date but now I have a ligitimate excuse. Besides the whole "my dad's having heart surgery" thing. I'm going home!!!!!!! Well not really cause that would mean I'd be dying and I'm not ready to do that yet. But I am going to AZ. Yes miracle of miracles I'm flying out this morning and will only be there for a couple days but I'm thankful for the opportunity. I'm trying to think if anyone I know reads this lives in phoenix. ummmm kara I think you might be the only one. I'll try to give you a call and see you. My aunt is trying to manipulate me with the fact that she's buying my ticket so therefore I should spend more time with her than my friends. whatever. um, if anyone else is in the phoenix area and I don't get to see you...sorry. I'm only one person with slightly under 3 days to see lots of people. Doesn't mean I don't love ya.
peace out

Sunday, November 02, 2003

I'm home sick. For Sydney. For friends, and Hillsong, and Bo-Ma, and normalcy. It's too easy here. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy here. It's too easy to live, and too easy to live with out God. Just a couple weeks ago I was in straya and dreaming of people in America, not necessarily wanting to come home, but missing people. Now I'm here and dreaming of people back at college. And today it's bad. I physically feel it. Especially in church today. I know my dad knows this church has a long way to go (and I second that emotion) but when people are singing "Oh the wonderful cross, bids me come and die and find that I may truely live..." with a FROWN! and stiff like a mummy, I'm thinking...something is wrong here! The other night I walked my family through parts of the Hope DVD and my grandpa asked "What's with all the jumping". ANd I'm thinking, "How can you not!"
More later.