Friday, January 09, 2004

so I lost one post, but here's another.
It's currently 4:15 AM. I've been up since 7AM. For some reason, only God knows, I'm not tired and I can't sleep. I take that back, I am tired, not heaps...but I can't sleep. I'm watching the Today show. They show it here at 4am. I don't usually get to watch it...probably because 4am is an hour for sleeping, not for watching American morning shows. Though I must say, Perky Katie Couric is looking quite casual today. What's with that. Ok seriously, why are we spending Billions of dollars on Mars and space travel when there are thousands of people dying everyday in Africa due to AIDS and famine. Does America ever see beyond it's borders? What's that word I learned in AP Gov't. Ethnocentrism? I dunno. All I remember is some political cartoon from the Roosevelt days of an Ostrich with it's head in the sand. I think right now our heads might be somewhere else, but this is a family blog. (I"m not sure since when it's a family blog, but right now it is for some reason.) Oh wait, just got a full body shot of Katie...not so casual, just the head shots with the little hooded cardigan. I'm actually starting to wonder who dressed her cause she's got like two different things happening. Paten leather pointy toe boots, greyish chic business like pants, and then this salmon coloured knit cardigan with a white tee underneath. Maybe she didn't have time to finish getting dressed. New theory: Have you ever seen 'The Truman Show' about the guy who grows up on tv? Well I reckon America is like that, but a soap opera, not reality tv. You know how you can not watch a soapie for 4 years and then randomly watch it and know exactly what's going on cause nothings changed? 4 years down the road in America, we're still talking Sadaam (did you not get the memo over there? "We got him") and weapons of mass destruction. I swear this interview that's happening right now is nothing new. What the hell (not a family blog) get a life, report something new. If there's nothing new to report, find something that's positive to talk about. Stop rehashing the same stuff.

Gosh this is so annoying. I just want to sleep. I love sleep. I never have trouble sleeping. But what happens right now when I go lay in bed and turn off the lights? My mind goes nuts, "How are you gonna get all this stuff home?" "Three weeks, three weeks, three weeks." "19 days, 19 days, 19 days." (yes I know three weeks does not equal 19 days) "Are you going to try to sell your electric or pawn it?" "What's going to happen to all the girls you were meant to find a house for a live with?" I tried praying...and that was actually good...it worked.
(wow, that was a really awkward katie/matt interaction...i actually cringed)

This afternoon I had some time by myself in the house. I needed time just to sit at the feet of Jesus and that's what I did. I just allow my spirit to relax and pour out everything that's been on my heart the past few days. I bought a ticket today, for a week earlier than originally planned. I confessed all of my thoughts, fears, hopes, doubts, dreams, insufficiencies, and excitements. The problem with seasons like this is that I get so increadibly excited about the future. It's a blank slate with so much potential, so much opportunity. I get excited about the challenge of figuring out how to fit all my stuff in one suitecase. I get excited about the flight and six hours in Fiji. I'm super excited to spend a few days with krys in LA. On the other hand I'm heart broken. Sad to leave such an amazing city...I still get excited everytime I see the Bridge or the Opera House. I'm sad to leave these amazing people; friends I've only known for a year, but have lived through a lot of changes with. I'm sad to leave the best church in the world.

I can't think...and I feel like crap...maybe I'll head back to my bed. To lie there. In darkness, actually it won't be darkness much longer. If I had a car I coud go watch the sunrise.
Good night...morning...whatever