Monday, March 08, 2004

there's a lot to be said.

I want to start off by highly recommending this article on Relevant. It is more than relevant to my life right now. Pun seriously not intended. While I'm at it I'm going to recommend this article and its partner.

I'd like to talk about that second pair of articles. If you're too lazy to read them yourself (which really, you should) I'll sum them up by saying they're about a very brave woman who called off her wedding in the very late stages of planning. As I was reading I was surprised by my reaction. If you asked me in conversation if I would ever consider canceling or postponing my wedding because of "hesitations" I would be very confident and come up with some rediculous answer like, "If for some reason I had some serious questions about the person or the relationship I wouldn't be afraid to even stop it at the altar." After reading this persons' story, however, I'd say that's pretty much a lie, because as I was reading I was thinking, "I would never do that at that stage in the game". I would justify my hesitations as nerves or "cold feet". I would tell myself that the person I was about to marry truely loved me, and I loved him, and even if I wasn't sure I loved him I'd learn to love him as so many people in other cultures who've had arranged marriages had learned to do. And honestly, after a few days of processing I still dont know that I've convinced myself that I would do the right thing and call it off. However, I pray to GOD that I will never have to be in that situation.
This leads me to another related point of discussion. Specifically that of having doubts, or "red flags" come up when considering a potential mate. A friend and I were talking about this the other week, and she brought up the point (and I agreed) that it's good for concerns to be raised when conducting that very important "search". If there are no such areas of concern then something has got to be wrong. Your standards are too low, you're lying to yourself about the true character of the person, or they are lying to you about their true character. I'm sure there are other options but those are the biggies I'd say. I really don't believe there is a such thing as a "soul mate" or "the perfect match". It just isn't possible when you're dealing with fallen humans. I definitely believe there is a "right mate" or "the very nearly perfect match" but to talk yourself into believing "happily ever after" is only to decieve yourself or to wait for heaven.

wow, I had no intentions of going there. But I have. And now my brain is sufficiently empty, so I'll go back to my reading. Chances are I'll be back here before I have to leave "work".