Saturday, April 24, 2004

It's back.

The marriage bug that is. I knew it wouldn't stay gone forever...or long. Why??? Why must I want to be married? Why can't I just want a boyfriend or a guy friend for that matter?

I'd like to be all spiritual about it and say that God is preparing me for something...someone. And that's probably partially true. On the other hand it could very well be hormones, espeically right now. But it's been back for a little while. That sense that if Mr. Right randomly walked into my life right now, i'd marry him next week. Kind of like, "whew now that that is over with we can move on". I don't know why I let myself feel like that is something that is holding me back. And i guess it's not holding me back cause I'm not going to sit around and wait. I mean if I"m not married in 10, 15, 20 years (God forbid) I'm still going to be doing God's work.

But I think I'm just really longing for that partnership. Last week the pastor at dad's church preached on wives submitting out of 1 Peter. Probably the best teaching I've ever heard from him. He did a really good job of emphasizing that submission does not hold the negative connotations we have attatched to it. One example he gave of biblical submission is that as the wife submits to her husband her strengths are able to help fill in his areas of weakness which in turn releases the husband to do the same for her. They complete eachother. Not just compliment. Now I know "Jesus is all we need" blah blah blah. But I think there is a sense that a healthy marriage relationship brings that sense of being complete, and I think that is what I'm longing for the most. That partner by my side that I can support and release to dream big so we can walk in God's will together. Not just some cheesy relationship that gives me butterflies each time I practice signing my name with his surname. Although butterflies aren't bad.

I'm only 20 for goodness sake. Far too young to be getting married. God I pray that you would either take this desire from me or fulfill it.