Thursday, May 13, 2004

Ok so I thought I'd do something crazy and change my template.
It was a very difficult move. Mostly because I've been spoiled and have never had to have a stock template. (If you happen to be on summer break and doing nothing, I wouldn't be opposed to a new one.) But the final descision came when I realized that I'm tired of having a black template. It's been black for a loooooooong time, and even before blogger my dx was black for a while there. So here's the new me. I'm very much in a pink phase so I thought this was only appropriate. Hope you like it.
The unfortunate thing is that I think with blogger comments you have to be a blogger member to leave comments which isn't cool. Soooooooo maybe if you're on summer break and have nothing to do you can change that, or add a guest book or something.

I'm putting this link in here so i don't loose it again. It's hard to remember exactly what google searches you do to find something. If you want to randomly learn arabic, you can follow this link.babel arabic

So my new favorite channel on tv is LinkTV. It's on Dish network, like up in the 9000 somewhere. It's kind of like a cool PBS. Tons of cool documentries and world music videos. French rap is funny. Just lots of cool stuff. News shows from around the world (they all hate us). Well today I watched the tail end of this musical about an Australian girl that ran away from home and then died. Usually musicals are light hearted, so I wasn't sure how they could turn such a depressing story into a musical. I missed most of it, so that question still lingers, but at the end they were at the funeral for this girl in the outback and there were these wide panning views of the geography, and I almost started crying! I miss australia SO MUCH. And it's totally something I can't explain. It's like my heart hurts because I just want to be there. I remember everyday walking down Norwest to college or church or work and, really a business park isn't the most picturesque place. But these massive eucalyputus trees lined the walk way and all the freaky colorful birds would fly around, and it smelled so good, and even if I felt like I was in a sauna I would find my self thinking, "I am so lucky to be living here. I love this country." I've never missed America like I miss OZ. Why can't I live there for the rest of my life? It's not fair. I was reading this morning, I haven't read in DAYS I get a lot of work done when I'm not "working". I'm reading this book Inside Afghanistan, about a christian aid worker who staid there through 9/11 and stuff. Well he had a long winding road before he got to Afghanistan, which was his ultimate dream, and part of his time was spent in Uzebekistan, where he had gotten a decent grasp on the language there. Well when he got to his "post" in Northern Afghanistan he found out that the team he was working with there were all Uzbeks, and he was so excited because he said his heart felt at home with them. And this is a southern boy from North Carolina! (Miracles do happen.) I could totally empathize with those feelings. I don't feel at home here. Definitely not in TX, but in the US in general. When I start thinking about it, like I am now, this heaviness just settles and I know I'm not supposed to be here long term. It was an easy feeling to live with a couple years ago when I was in Mesa, cause I knew I'd be leaving soon. I have no idea how long I'm going to be here at this point so I guess I mostly just try not to think about it.

I think it was in an article I read on Relevant recently where someone reference C.S. Lewis' theory on time. How as humans, we never feel comfortable living within the contraints of time because we were created for eternity. I LOVE that. It makes me think of the Delirious song, "Heaven is my home". But that still doesn't help me answer why I don't feel at home in this country but I do in another. I wonder if I'll ever feel as at home in another country as I do in Aus.

I'm hungry. It's almost 1pm and I'm still in my pajamas. Who wants to go to work with perks like these?