Sunday, June 27, 2004

I think I'm about to be really honest (and really long winded). And I might get some crap for it...or not. But I'm ok with that.

I just watched this movie this afternoon called, "Kissing Jessica Stein". Now if you've seen this movie, or know about it, let me preface this by saying, I had NO CLUE what this movie was about. "Bad why did you watch it?", you say. Well I remember hearing about the movie when it first came out and just thought, "that is the coolest name for a movie". I have no idea why. It's not like, "Napoleon Dynamite", now that's a cool title. I don't know, I just always liked the title. Even when I saw it in Blockbuster I'd think, "that sounds like a good movie cause the title is so cool". Never mind I never bothered to find out if it was any good. So this afternoon it was on HBO, and I happened to turn it on right as it was starting so I watched it. I'm trying to figure out how to summarize it quickly so I can get on with my point. I guess it's about a thirtysomething who is unlucky in love and everyone is telling her that she's too picky about her men and needs to compromise. (which right there I had major issues with) Anyway, she answers a personal ad for "a women seeking a women" though she is very straight. Ends up in a serious some what long term relationship with the "personal ad lady" who eventually dumps her and they end up being best friends and Jessica Stein gets back together with the guy she should have been with all along. I probably totally just botched that up, but you at least get the jist.

I absolutely loved this movie.

First of all, it was so well acted, and so well written. It was hilarious and smart and witty and for a movie about lesbians surprisingly not "PC". Example: the girlfriend is having a conversation with a couple of gay co-workers, and one is mad at her because she is dating a straight woman and you "can't just go gay" and he uses an illustration saying how he couldn't just "go black". And she comes back and says, "Yeah, because you weren't born black." Implying gay is a choice. What was the last movie out of hollywood to even go there? Yeah I don't know either. Then again I don't watch a lot of movies.

Anyway, blah blah blah, still not to my point.

So I'm watching this movie and putting it into the context of the book on modesty that I've been reading and wondering what types of things these two girls went through as kids and what their story is. I was realizing how incredibly naieve I am, and how on one hand that's not necessarily a bad thing, but on the other hand, I think I'm a lot more out of touch with the world than I'd like to admit. Some people might think that's good too. The world is an evil, sinful, horrible place. The more I'm beginning to realize how evil, sinful, and horrible of a place it is, the more God is softening my heart for the evil, horrible, and sinful people that populate it.
Humans are really good at decieving themselves. I know because I do it all the time. I tell myself speeding isn't a sin, that white lies don't count, and that chocolate chip cookies are good for me. And when I'm away from God, I tell myself that it's ok even though I know it's miserable. The only reason I know it's miserable though, is because I've been on the not miserable side. If you've never experienced "great" then of course you're going to settle for "good" not knowing what you're missing. Today people are desperately trying to convince themselves that they are happy. And I think a lot of them truly believe they are happy, only because they've never known the Joy of the Lord.

So I'm watching, forgetting that it's a movie and that these are not real people, and wishing that I could be in their lives and show them real love.

Ok rewind. I've never understood the Christians that stand around with signs that say "God hates fags". Cause I'm pretty sure he doesn't. My first interaction with homosexuals that I can remember was in jr. high when our youth pastor took a few of us into downtown phoenix for an AIDS march, i think we were supposed to be raising support for a christian organization that helped babies born with HIV because their moms were infected. So I mean eighth grade, not a super high maturity level, and having been raised inside the very tight walls of an evangelical family and church family this was like...weird. However, out of the few of us that even chose to go (cause there were going to be "gay" people there you know) I was the one who seemed to be the least reactive. I remember a couple of kids in particular who totally lost it once we got back to the church. Like screaming. Their family left the church shortly thereafter. For other reasons I'm sure. Anyway then I went through my phase of using "gay" as a derrogatory adjective and thinking "that's so gross" because I was a christian and that's what you were supposed to think. (Tangent: I've noticed "gay" making a come back in the highschoolers at Lake Ridge and it's really lame.) So then in highschool there were these girls in a couple of my classes who were "together". It kind of creeped me out, but they were normal enough otherwise. One of them was my partner for drivers ed so I kind of had to get over it just to combat my own insecurities and weird factor. Since then God has continued to use other situations to rid me of my homophobia and really see gay people through His eyes. You can't really live in Sydney for any ammount of time and be a homophobe. Even within the Hillsong bubble.

So I'm watching, forgetting that it's a movie and that these are not real people, and wishing that I could be in their lives and show them real love. (yeah i copy and pasted that)

I would love for God to allow me to be involved in some kind of ministry to homosexuals. not the kind that tries to make them straight, or tell them that they're going to hell, but just the kind that shows them love. I don't even know if that exists. Or if that's even a ministry or if it's just relationship building. Or if those two things are synoymous. Ministry and relationship building. But I'd like to be involved in it. I don't know if there is a spiritual gift of homosexual tolerance (quite differant to acceptance might I add) but if there is I think I might have it, cause I know a lot of Christians, esp. here in dallas that would probably lean more towards the picketing side than the loving side. At this point I have no idea how that will ever fit into my life at all. Like how is God going to encorporate that into the things he's already shown me for the future? And that's why He's God.

Do I recommend the movie? Yes and no. It's called, "Kissing Jessica Stein" for a reason. And there's not just kissing. If you can honestly say that that would be within God's "what is permissible for me" boundaries in your life then I'd say go for it and have you finger on the fast forward button. If not, then don't cause it will definitely be a stumbling block.

And now I'm going grocery shopping cause I'm almost out of food.