Monday, June 07, 2004

So i'm not sure what the deal is with my posts publishing twice. Definitely annoying. I think I deleted all the copies. Let me know if weird stuff keeps happening.

So here's the other thing. God is freakyweirdcool. Not to be confused with TLC's "crazysexycool". Although He probably fits that bill too.

This day was just so all over the map. I can tell He's doing something. I don't know what it is. But I'm comming alive again. I don't want to share this story cause, I dunno why, but I feel kind of compelled to so I guess I will. On my way home from work today, L called with some really shite news. I was kinda ok while I was talking to her, but then when we hung up, I totally lost it. (In case you were wondering, I would not reccomend crying and driving in rush hour traffic.) When I answered the phone she said, "So I won the crappiest day award", and I mean as much as I can't even put myself in her shoes, when you're friends you do carry eachothers burdens. Anyways, I lost it, crying in traffic thinking, "God what the hell. This is so not right, SO NOT RIGHT OR FAIR OR GOOD OR BLESSED OR ANYTHING OF YOU!!!!" I thought of Job, and maybe it's good that she's not married right now, cause that would probably be stripped away too. I probably spent about 5 minutes, not being angry at God, but just so overwhelmed with "I don't understand". Sometimes that's harder than anger, cause it's easy to put blame somewhere, but when you feel that there is no apparent reason for certain circumstance your head just hurts. So after I realized that I should compose myself so I didn't wreck the car out of no where I just started singing, "My hope is in the name of the Lord, where my help comes from Your my strength my song." It wasn't even like I was singing, it was like someone was using my vocal chords and singing with them. I haven't even heard or thought of that song at all in the longest time. So then it just stopped after that first line...BUT I was reminded of what I had read in Darls' book "Kiss of Heaven" that I'm sadly still in the middle of, when she was talking about praising God as a form of warfare. Not focusing on cursing Satan, but lifting up God's name. I'm telling you, if there would have been an unbeliver in my car, I could have given an altar call, and they would have been saved. The presence of the Holy Spirit was physically tangible. I just started singing that song, and I started out quite, but then for some reason i just started screaming it. I'm not joking people, driving down the freeway screaming worship songs...people probably just thought I was talking on my hands free. After a couple times through it just turned into a stream of another language comming out my mouth, still at the top of my lungs. Screaming! Then probably like 10ish minutes before I got home, I seriously FELT the presence of the HS. It was this crazing tingling, that started in my fingers then like crawled up through my arms. Again, tingling hands and arms not so good for driving, but I figured God was driving by that point. It just kills me how out of the box God is. Totally no box what-so-ever. So as I'm rounding the corner on to my street, stil screaming, still tingling, I'm like dude I need to stop, my family is going to freak. I was so overwhelmed though. I mean for 1.It's been a long time. 2.I never, ok not never maybe 2 times before have I actually FELT the presence of God. He doesn't touch me, He talks to me, and today he wasn't talking to me, he was touching me. In my car. On the freeway. I can't get over it hey. My arms were still freaking out for about 20 minutes after I got in the house. I was thinking as I was talking to the fam...what would they say if I told them the Holy Spirit was "closer than my skin" right now.

Like I said. Something is happening. It's good. That's really all I know.