Thursday, July 01, 2004

I think I'm going crazy. Like possible clinically insane. Seriously, just look at my posts for the past week. How unstable am I? I stayed home from work again today. Well I was going to go in this afternoon, but I don't know if that's going to happen. All I needed was to get my prescrpition refilled. It's taken like 4 hours. Seriously, then I got to the pharmacy, and what I thought was going to be $10 like last time was like $45 so the lady told me to go home and call my insurance company. SO I did that and the lady told me why I had to pay $45 dollars but I didn't understand what the hell she was telling me. Seriously I've never been on such a crap insurance plan in all my life. That sounds so middle class America of me. And I'm glad I do have insurance. Really glad. But geeze, can't they make insurance plans user friendly? come on. so i had my prescrption sent to wal-mart right. The real wal-mart not the Neighborhood Wal-Mart grocery store. When I walked in I think I started having a panic attack. I think that's only the 3rd or 4th time I've been in a real wal-mart since I've been back. It still freaks me out. There is something inherantly evil about that store. I feel like walking in there is like walking into the book 1984. I think I stopped breathing while I was in there or something. And I looked at the faces of everyone that was in there and they all looked like mine. Or at least looked like mine felt. Which was, "Get me the hell out of here". Like they all know they are miserable shopping at wal-mart. They all feel the evilness too. But it's cheap, so we go right? ANd now, praise the Lord, there is one on every street corner, so it's convenient. And I mean really, who doesn't want to go grocery shopping while getting their oil changed? There's something very, very wrong. I almost started crying in the store. I told you I'm going nuts. Maybe this is why I need to work, stay distracted and entertained. If left alone with myself for too long I start to go crazy. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I had too many ideas floating around. Too many ideas and no idea how to get them out of me. It was like constipation of the imagination. Crap, I should just become a rapper with rhymes like that. Seriously though...they were all in my head, a million of them...some of them were good...and no skills to put them any where. SO they just kept swirlling and it felt like there was a tornado in my brain. I must have fallen asleep at some point. I think I need to collaborate with someone. Ya know? Need someone who's smarter than me, more talented than me, more experienced than me to like bounce stuff off of, and let them rub off on me. I'm just too...I don't know creative? psychotic? ADHD for normal jobs. I should go to AZ next week. I shouldn't wait until August. I should go now, pass my family on the road and tell them, I'm leaving.
But no, I have to go back to wal-mart. Back to get my freaking $45 dollar eye drops. They better work. The funny thing is my eyes are feeling ok right now. They haven't felt this good in a week. Pray that I don't vomit in there. And stay away from wal-mart...far, far away.