Thursday, July 08, 2004

I was trying to go for a whole week without writing in here. Why would I torture myself like that? I am blog dependant. The funny thing is that even when I don't physically write, I still blog in my head. Sometimes it helps, but then whatever random thing I'm thinking at that moment doesn't really get written down somewhere concretely. Whatever.

So there's this song in Kissing Jessica Stein called "Crazy Eyes" by this mad jazz trio out of new york. Dave's True Story and the first line is something like "You have a green eye, and the other one is blue". Something like that. It's about a person with two different colored eyes anyway. This morning I woke up and my right eye was BLOOD red. And I laughed and started singing, "I have a red eye.." When I got over the humor of it, I realized that it actually looked like shite and didn't feel much better and I should probably have it looked at again. So on my way to worked I called the dr and made an appt for this afternoon. She gave me allergy drops and said if it doesn't get better in 2 days to go to an eye dr. I'm praying these things work cause guess who has no eye insurance. I doubt I could even afford an office visit.

The reason I didn't want to write for a week is because I'm trying to save my words for "real" writing. The problem is, I've found, when I have all this other stuff waiting to get out, I can't focus on "real" writing.

I've been writing a lot about faith. Faith is a weird thing you know. In our sophisticated and scientific age so many people have tried to claim that faith is only for the uneducated, or people who aren't in tune with themselves and need a crutch to help them through. I think it's pretty obvious that humans were created with a need to have faith in something, unfortunately it's usually the wrong thing. Even though they don't admit it, I think most people know intuitively that this world and this life is way too much for them to wade through on their own. So they put faith in their intelligence, career, in their wealth, or talent, or popularity, or beauty, or whatever. Look around, and you'll notice that everyone has faith in something.
And funny how that's not even close to the aspect of faith I've been "marinating" on. (At least I know Tara will laugh at that.)
I've been thinking more personally about how my faith changed, evolved, and grew over my year in Sydney. It's been really interesting disecting all these bits and pieces of me. Hm, that sounds like a good title for a cd or something. "Bits and pieces of me" or "Me Disected"...wow, I'm all over the place. And um, I'm going to have to end this for now, cause dinner is on and I'm starving. But I'll be back. It's good to be back.