Monday, December 13, 2004

This is part two of the entry below. Just fyi.

Part of the reason that "settling" (for lack of a better term) is so hard to accept is because the love of Christ ruins us. Any other love falls immesurably short of His. I know I went on a rant in the previous entry about how hard it is to know and really feel God's love. But there are moments, however few and far between, when the manifestation of His love is more real than anything I could touch of feel in that moment. I had one of those moments this morning. And it was then that I realized why the mediocre "nice guy" will never do. Obviously, any love we recieve from humans will pale in comparison to God's love for us. God's love is unconditional, and that's the thing that makes it so powerful, so attractive, and so uncompareable. Humans are incapable of loving unconditionally. Even the purest of human love is based on some sort of merit or condition. But there is another ingredient that tends to set God's love apart that I think can actually be found in human love as well. Not only is Jesus' love pure and unconditional, but it is passionate beyond the capabilities of our imagination. In those few moments where God's love has been clearly felt in my life, I knew that His love wasn't mediocre, it wasn't luke warm, it was full on passionate, undying love. And that is what I'm afraid of compromising in a marriage relationship. I'm afraid of accepting a lesser, more practical, more "laid back" love. I don't want laid back. I want passion. And not just physical lust, or a feeling that dissappears with "I do", but a passion that is there even in the darkest of valleys, the most intense disagreements, the most tragic, and unexcpected circumstances.
I don't think this is too much to hope for, or too high a standard. There are many things that can be compromised; I don't have to marry an Australian, or a man with curly hair, or a fabulous musician, or someone older than me, but I don't think I can live without passion. I know I don't want to.
Again, this is all processing...if anyone wants to open up a discussion about any of this I'd be more than happy to jump in.