Monday, May 16, 2005

I need to say something but I don't feel like I have anything to say.
I've become totally addicted to downloading songs off Napster. You can do alot of damage with a free 7 day trial. I think I've put too much stuff on my computer now though, cause it's a lot slower than normal so I'm going to have to get it off here somehow.

Last night liene and I went to Phoenix First Assembly for their evening service. I love going there. I wish it was closer. It's like going to an American version of Hillsong. But not as good. But it was really good. I wanted to go because I felt like I really needed to be preached at. I needed someone to get in my face, to bring a convicting word, I needed an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit was allowed to work and reign and kick me in the butt and get me back on track. I definitely got what I was looking for. I thought it was funny that I was seeking to be "preached at" because isn't that like the exact opposite of our generation's additude, in and outside the church. Anyway, it was really good, and really encouraging.

I feel like I've been away from God for so long. I feel like our relationship has deteriorated to memories of the good days. Actually I feel like all of my relationships have kind of gone down the crapper recently. I read something in Darlene's "The Kiss of Heaven" that described this perfectly.
" So many Christians are missing the glorious benefits of God's continual presence. They enjoy breif moments of awareness of his presence, but soemtimes the stories of their encournters with Him are many years old. Their faces radiate as they share their testimony of His rescue or provision that first drew them to Him, but then their countinence quickly dims as they speak of their current trials."
I think that pretty much sums up the past couple months. Possibly the past year. And I'm so incredibly sick and tired of living life on my own. I miss the presence of God in my life. I miss being disciplined to wake up early and spend time with him. I miss enjoying the Word. Last night Tommy (my good friend Tommy) preached out of first Chronicles on David's "Mightiest Men" not simply his "Mighty Men". How the mightiest men knew him well, they not only knew his commands and needs but they knew the details of even his wants and desires. They knew how to live to please him, serve him, encourage him. And of course all of this parrallels how we should live to become God's mightiest men. Not just following the law, but the spirit of the law. Not just studying the Word because we should but because we delight in it. Spending time getting to know Him so intimately that we know what He desires, what pleases Him, what He needs, how to live like Him. I have stories of when I was living life like this. But it hasn't been recently. God's given me the strength and all the resources necessary to get back there, and in time I will. We will.