Saturday, August 06, 2005

I saw this thing on tv just now about this guy Sufjan Stevens who's like this incredibly talented and original musician. He was raised by hippie parents and his music is like some eclectic mix of folk, pop, jazz, and classical and it kind of surprised me that he's working on this project called the 50 States Project or something. He's going to write an album dedicated to each state as his form of like patriotism or giving back to the country or something. He didn't really strike me as the patriotic type, but it sounds like a cool deal. 50 albums is a heck of a lot though.
Anyway, this guys' stuff was super original musically and lyrically and it inspired me to want to go write. I've actually been doing a bit of writing recently...more than in recent months...some of it is actually decent I think.
I always feel like I have this internal battle going on inside me when I try to write and it really holds me back. I think what it boils down to is my purpose for writing. I find it really hard to write stuff that doesn't have some kind of God connection. Like say I wanted to make an album about the state of Arizona...I don't think I could do it because what is the purpose in that? Then when I get to this point I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I'm way overspiritualizing the whole thing. God has given me these gifts of music and creativity and I love using them for His glory, and I think that's the point of the gifts anyway, to glorify God. Am I glorifying Him simply by using the gifts? Because then you get into the whole thing about like Usher thanking God when he wins awards and really, I'm pretty sure God isn't glorified by Usher's music even if he did give him the gifts.
Sometimes I just want to write stupid songs to just get out whatever I might be thinking or going through internally and it's like I can't do it because what is the purpose? I hate doing things for no reason. Or maybe just expressing my thoughts or whatever is reason enough.
I thought writing and processing all of this in here might help me wrap my head around it a bit more, but I think I've just dug myself deeper into confusion. I think I'm over analyzing this way too much.