Friday, October 07, 2005

So it looks like there are going to be a lot of changes coming my way in the next few months.
More changes? Yeah, I know. God wasn't kidding when He spoke to me back in late June or early July about major changes happening this year. I can't really talk too much about it right now, but I'm excited. And scared.

I'm just really really blown away by God right now. And blown away by what happens when you just go hard after Him. When you throw aside all fears, doubts, logic, selfish ambition and just decide to live your life pursuing him. And not the safe way to pursue God. I'm having a hard time describing this. But you know inside yourself when you are truely completely sold out to God, or when you faking yourself into thinking you are. I"m not talking about people who just go to church, or just do minimal things. I'm talking about people who think they want to spend their life serving God whether in church, or parachurch ministries, or missions, or whatever. You can be in ministry and not be completely laying everything down to follow Jesus. I know because I've done it. And over the past few days I've been feeling a shifting in my spirit. Like I can't lie to myself anymore. I am laying it all out on the line and waiting to see what God is going to do with this life. I have no idea what my future looks like. But I know it's good. I have no savings, I have no retirement plan, I have no financial security as the world looks at it. But I have no doubt that I'm going to have my needs met everyday. I can tell something has changed, and it started with letting go of fear. Fear and faith can not coexsist.

Quit faking it people. If you want God, go for him. If you don't, then quit pretending. He already knows, and you're just making yourself go crazy.