Friday, October 14, 2005

So I've been having weird dreams recently.
Like really weird.

Monday night I had a dream that I was "found" by a former boyfriend/husband/one-night-stand and my now 3 year old daughter saying that they wanted me to be a part of their lives. I had absolutely no recollection of either of them, of the fact that I had had a baby, of the fact that I had been in a relationship, or any of that. So this guy is holding this (gorgeous) 3 year old telling me that all this happened, and how could I forget it, and that they didn't want anything from me, just my involvement in their lives. So I go along with it, even though I still have no memory of any of it.
Of course I woke up completely freaking out, because what if I really do have a kid out there somewhere and I've just blocked it from my memory. Eventually when I came out of my half sleep state, I convinced myself that no matter how hard I tried I could not forget pregnancy or birth or the events that would lead me there.

So then Tuesday night I had another disturbing dream. Not quite as earth shattering, or dramatic but disturbing nonetheless.

This Sunday Darlene and Brian and Bobbie are going to be at Phx 1st and I'm Sooooooooooo excited because it's going on 2 years since I've been in a church service with them. So in my dream I am sent to save seats for our big group that is going. I save a couple rows, until the people who get bussed in for church arrive. These little hispanic kids take one of my rows and I try explaining to them that they are saved. And they were being like really bratty to me and I was getting really frustrated, so I just hauled off and slapped them. How horrible is that! They left after that, but I was still quite shocked at my abusive behaviour. In church even!