Saturday, January 14, 2006

I woke up this morning incredibly depressed. More so than I have felt in a really long time. Probably a year or more maybe. Sometimes I wonder at the source of my depression, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this time it's absolutely spiritual warfare.
Last night we had the most amazing key leadership meeting for adopt-a-block, and I'm getting ready to go to our key leadership "retreat" for WACA this afternoon. And the enemy hates this. He hates all the dreaming, the vision, the faith, the expectation, the hope.
I hate feeling like this. Actually it has started to lift a bit. But I hate that it seems to be beyond my control. But I do love the hope that I have that extends beyond feelings and mindsets. I love that God carries me through, and allows me to function and go on in spite of what I feel like doing. I've realized this morning that beyond how I natually love serving in ministry and the local church that it's really good for me because ministry happens whether you feel like it or not. I have to be somewhere today. I don't have the option of staying in bed and feeling crap about myself. There is purpose, there is life, there is somewhere where I am needed. All of that helps.